not to look at me, even through the mirror.
“Trying to bully you into something you don’t want to do, is what I mean. It isn’t something you want to do, right?”
I asked it nonchalantly, trying to keep a hard tone out of my voice, but I had to face it, a lot hinged on how he answered. Not that I thought last night gave me any real claim to him. That’s just not how life works.
My dreams said differently. I had seen him in my mind all night. Finn dancing in front of me, slowly moving to an unheard beat; Finn sliding into bed with me; Finn above; Finn below.
I hoped the maids at Superbia Springs would forgive me for what I’d done to the sheets last night, but every time I woke up from one of those dreams, I’d gripped my cock and started jacking it, thinking of him, over and over. I’d woken up so sore it had hurt to pee. Not that I would tell anyone that.
“So let me get this straight,” Finn asks. “You want to know if I want to go to bed with some random stranger—some stranger who thinks men can be bought—who specifically wants a guy he can hurt? You’re asking if I want to leave the lucrative world of executive assistants for…prostitution?”
“I’m just saying, it’s your body, your choice.”
“That’s kinda fucked up, Colby. After last night—”
“I know. I know…I don’t want you to, okay? I just don’t want to be the one who decides. Noah’s right. I’ve got too much damn power. It worries me. I don’t want to force you into something you’re not ready for.”
He slumps back in the seat, arms crossed. “You couldn’t force me into anything. I do whatever the hell I want. I’ll tell Jimi the exact same thing.”
I know I can’t laugh right now. I’ve touched some hidden nerve I didn’t know existed. He’s actually offended, and I’m not sure why, but the way he’s so defiant, I just want to pull the car over and smother him with kisses.
We’ve been driving another few miles in silence when he says, “What would you do to Jimi, anyway? Barge into his office? Bang on his desk? I mean…he has goons. You might be rich but you’re not, y’know, immortal or anything.”
I scoff, but my hands are tight on the wheel. “I don’t think he’s going to hurt me, Finn.”
“But he might. Do you have…security?”
Eyes narrowing, I say, “I don’t think it’d come to that, but yes, of course I do. I’m not in the public eye in the same way that a movie star is, so it’s not like I need a bodyguard following me around all day—”
“It would’ve made last night pretty uncomfortable.”
Finally, a joke! I’m back on his good side. Why does that make me feel so light, so happy?
Happy?
Happy?
The man who doesn’t feel anything, suddenly claims to be happy?
I tamp it all back down. Now is not the time to wonder about my emotional state…or if an emotional state is even possible.
My tone is rational and even: “If you think I need to bring some security guys with me, I will. Lawyers too, if you think I need it.”
“I mean, I could just talk to him,” Finn insists. “I could tell him to go away, tell him to leave me alone.”
Do you want him to leave you alone because the thought of what he wants you to do appalls you…or because you like me?
That sounded like the dumbest possible question, the kind of question that gets you into trouble if you ask it. So I didn’t say it.
“I told you, I’ll handle it.”
“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Finn says quietly.
I’m shaking my head before he even finishes saying it. “Nobody’s going to hurt me.”
23
Finn
I have to say I wasn’t actually worried about the tests. I was more worried about Colby. Jimi was still on his mind, even after we got back to the city, even as we were ushered in to a clinic. I could practically see the little gears turning as he thought about how to handle Jimi, how to get him out of my life once and for all.
But before I can ask him anything, there is the matter of the test.
When Colby said clinic I was thinking of one of the ones my friends go to, this storefront place where you basically sit in a cubicle and have someone hand you pamphlets and condoms while you wait for your