Mo in the car talking to her imaginary friend. She was such a talker; I loved it.
“Everything all right?” he asked after a little while.
It wasn’t until I started trying to extend my fingers from around the steering wheel that I realized I was gripping on to it really tight. “My grandfather just asked me not to stop by the gym, and I don’t know why,” I explained, unable to hide the instinct that said something was wrong.
He “hmmed” his response, at least initially. “He’s a bit aggro I’m with you. Maybe that’s it?”
“Aggro? Aggravated?”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him nod.
So I shook mine right back, focusing on the road. “I mean, yeah, but that’s not it. He’s petty, but he would have said that if that were the case.”
He “hmmed” again before, “So you manage the gym now?”
“Yes.”
“You were only working there part of the time before,” he stated for some reason, like he wanted me to know he’d listened… at least sometimes.
I pressed my lips together for a second. “Yes.”
“When did you start?”
“Six weeks after I had Mo.” I thought about leaving it at that but changed my mind. “Daycare facilities here are really expensive. It was Grandpa Gus’s idea that I take over managing it, and that he would stay home with her instead. It made the most sense.” I had always known it was inevitable. I was pretty sure I had told him that too at some point.
But back then I had thought it was going to be years before the day came.
I flexed my fingers around the steering wheel and kept explaining so that way I wouldn’t have to bring this up later. “The good thing is, those two love and adore each other. I told you, he takes her to daycare once or twice a week in the morning for a few hours, so that she can get used to being around other kids. Sometimes, my best friend’s father-in-law watches her if Grandpa has something to do. She comes to see me and hang out in the office too pretty often.”
He looked at me, but I didn’t return his gaze.
“I’ll write it down for you, so you know where she’s at all the time. I know you aren’t… working while you’re here.” He was on vacation. On holiday. On his off-season, I reminded myself again. Not permanent. “I’m sure I can talk Grandpa into splitting babysitting duties with you so you can take advantage of your time while you’re here, if you want.” I had no idea what the fuck he was doing during the day, and I wasn’t going to ask because it wasn’t my business, and I didn’t care. “But he might end up making you pay a rental fee or something for him to give up Mo,” I told him, with a snicker even though I didn’t mean to.
“A rental fee?” he asked with a familiar-sounding soft laugh that irritated me. “It wouldn’t be babysitting though, would it? More like… parenting, no?”
I swung my head to look at him again. Not babysitting. Parenting.
Asshole.
The small smile he sent me when he caught me looking at him had me wondering for a split second if he didn’t know exactly what he was doing; saying all the right things that I wanted to hear to trust him again. Hadn’t he said that? That he wanted to regain my trust?
Fucker.
“Yeah,” I replied after a second, facing forward again. “It’s not babysitting if she’s yours. And she is. And luckily Grandpa Gus thinks Mo is his. Peter thinks the same. She’s our community baby.”
Jonah’s damn smile grew wider, I just knew it. “That’s awesome. No such thing as too much love.”
Ugh.
“I’d like to spend as much time with her as I can while I’m here.”
While he was here.
“There’s so much I don’t know about babies.” His hand went up to slide over the top of his head, back and forth, from what I could see. “If you could put up with me for a while, I would appreciate it if you taught me everything I’ve missed.” He paused, and I could sense him burning a fucking hole into my face. “I’ve been coached all my life, you know, and I bet you’re good at teaching too.”
I flexed my hands around the steering wheel. Stand strong. I could survive this man and his eternally cheerful attitude and his politeness and his voice and all his smiles. I could.
And that’s why I didn’t say