the fuck was he frowning for? “I know how to apologize when I’m wrong.”
His face went blank way too fast. And I didn’t like the way he blinked again either.
“I do,” I insisted before smirking. “Quit being a pain in the ass.”
One of those slow, deep laughs came out of him.
Whatever. “If you’re willing to be in the first circle of trust—”
“Hold on a moment. How many of these circles are there?”
I had to think about the things he didn’t know. The things I wasn’t willing to tell him yet. There was only one big thing, but I couldn’t exactly make it that obvious. “Three,” I threw out randomly to throw him off because two didn’t seem that impressive.
That must have been an answer he could live with because he nodded, so I kept going.
He was family, I reminded myself. Whether we wanted him to be or not. And he hadn’t done anything to make me feel like he’d change his mind about being in that position.
“As a member of the first circle of trust, you’re assuring me that you won’t be calling the cops on me, right?”
To give him credit, he agreed immediately. “Not even if they paid me.”
I tried not to smile but failed. Then I went for it. “My best friend’s cousin broke into her house a few years ago, and he tore her place up, bad. I found out where he lived, and Grandpa Gus and I went and did the same thing to his shitty house,” I told him with a grimace. “It’s kind of a felony, so please don’t tell anyone.” He stared at me from across the darkened car for so long that I added without meaning to, “She’s family. Someone had to do it.”
His smile was small but bright.
“What? Do you think I’m a bad person?”
Jonah shook his head. “No. But you have me wondering how one goes about becoming your best friend. I could use that kind of loyalty in my life.” He reached over and took my hand. “You do whatever you have to do for the people you love, eh?”
You do whatever you have to do for the people you love.
And that was why he’d forgotten about me so easily, I thought, and instantly sucked in a breath and tried to straighten.
But Jonah didn’t let me.
His features went serious. “What did I say?” he barely managed to ask before he closed his eyes and shook his head. “Lenny.” He reopened them, his face even more grave. “I never forgot about you.”
It was my turn to shake my head. “No, it’s fine—”
“It’s not fine and don’t tell me it is. I never forgot about you. I swear. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about you.”
My heart kicked up into a gallop even though I didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to have this conversation. Not ever, but especially not right in that moment.
“Listen to me, Len. I liked you heaps, heaps, do you hear me?” I could feel his gaze like a laser burning holes into the side of my face as I looked out the window. “I ruined this, and I know that, and I want to make it up to you. I’m trying to, slowly. But you have to know: I left because I was a fucking arsehole. I hated myself. Honest, hate for being such a damn fool and not avoiding that tackle. I didn’t think anyone would understand, but I see now that you would have, and I’m sorry, love. I’m so damn sorry I left the way I did. If I could take anything back, it would be that. If I could make it up to you somehow, I would, but I know that I can’t, and I still want to try anyway.”
The fingers on my hand tightened, and Jonah edged over as much as he could in his seat. “I’m trying my best here, and I’ll keep on trying my best, do you understand? I want you to get to know me again. I want you to be my friend again. I want to be more than that—”
“Jonah, stop.” My voice was shaky, and I felt like my chest had been cracked open more than any time in the past.
“No.” His forehead came to rest against the side of mine, and I didn’t let myself close my eyes. I made myself keep them open and aimed out the windshield. “I came back here for you.”
I couldn’t help but roll my