they would be his kids, Diggs thought. On first inspection, they looked healthy and smart enough.
Yeah, Arnie,” President Ryan said. His voice betrayed his emotions more than a growl or a shout could have.
“Nobody ever said the job was fun, Jack. Hell, I don’t know why you’re complaining. You don’t have to schmooze people to raise money for your reelection campaign, do you? You don’t have to kiss ass. All you have to do is your work, and that saves you a good hour—maybe an hour and a half—per day to watch TV and play with your kids.” If there was anything Arnie loved, Ryan thought, it was telling him (Ryan) how easy he had it in this fucking job.
“But I still spend half my day doing unproductive shit instead of doing what I’m paid to do.”
“Only half, and still he complains,” Arnie told the ceiling. “Jack, you’d better start liking this stuff, or it’ll eat you up. This is the fun part of being President. And, hell, man, you were a government employee for fifteen years before you came here. You should love being unproductive!”
Ryan nearly laughed, but managed to contain himself. If there was anything Arnie knew how to do, it was to soften his lessons with humor. That could be annoying as hell.
“Fine, but exactly what do I promise them?”
“You promise that you’ll support this dam and barge-canal scheme.”
“But it’s probably a waste of money.”
“No, it is not a waste of money. It provides employment in this two-state area, which is of interest to not one, not two, but three United States Senators, all of whom support you steadfastly on the Hill, and whom you, therefore, must support in turn. You reward them for helping you by helping them get reelected. And you help them get reelected by allowing them to generate about fifteen thousand construction jobs in the two states.”
“And screw with a perfectly good river for”—Ryan checked the briefing folder on his desk—“three and a quarter billion dollars ... Jesus H. Christ,” he finished with a long breath.
“Since when have you been a tree-hugger? Cutthroat trout don’t vote, Jack. And even if the barge traffic up the river doesn’t develop, you’ll still have one hell of a recreation area for people to water-ski and fish, toss in a few new motels, maybe a golf course or two, fast-food places ...”
“I don’t like saying things and doing things I don’t believe in,” the President tried next.
“For a politician, that is like color blindness or a broken leg: a serious handicap,” van Damm noted. “That’s part of the job, too. Nikita Khrushchev said it: ‘Politicians are the same all over the world, we build bridges where there aren’t any rivers.’ ”
“So wasting money is something we’re supposed to do? Arnie, it isn’t our money! It’s the people’s money. It belongs to them, and we don’t have the right to piss it away!”
“Right? Who ever said this is about what’s right?” Arnie asked patiently. “Those three senators who’re”—he checked his watch—“on their way down here right now got you your defense appropriations bill a month ago, in case you didn’t remember, and you may need their votes again. Now, that appropriations bill was important, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, of course it was,” President Ryan responded with guarded eyes.
“And getting that bill through was the right thing for the country, wasn’t it?” van Damm asked next.
A long sigh. He could see where this was going. “Yes, Arnie, it was.”
“And so, doing this little thing does help you to do the right thing for the country, doesn’t it?”
“I suppose.” Ryan hated conceding such things, but arguing with Arnie was like arguing with a Jesuit. You were almost always outgunned.
“Jack, we live in an imperfect world. You can’t expect to be doing the right thing all the time. The best you can expect to do is to make the right thing happen most of the time—actually, you will do well to have the right things outbalance the not-so-right things over the long term. Politics is the art of compromise, the art of getting the important things you want, while giving to others the less important things they want, and doing so in such a way that you’re the one doing the giving, not them doing the taking—because that’s what makes you the boss. You must understand that.” Arnie paused and took a sip of coffee. “Jack, you try hard, and you’re learning pretty well—for a fourth-grader in graduate school—but you have to learn