when my dad came and told me and Josh that he was marrying Judith.
The echoey sound of his footsteps on the wood floor matches.
My breath becomes so loud I’m sure he’ll have to shout to get over it. He reaches down and takes Nat’s pregnancy test. He stares at it, hovering over me.
“Are you pregnant?”
I wish he’d asked if it was mine.
I could have answered that differently.
But there’s only one answer now. If I lie and then try to tell the truth later it will implode on me. I nod once, stuck staring at the wall as my stomach twists in knots.
“Is this what you were so upset about the other night at your apartment?” His voice is weird. Detached.
I nod again. I can’t speak.
“You were going to leave?”
Lowering my gaze to the floor is confession enough for him.
“Oh my God, I’m such an idiot. It’s not my kid, is it? Oh fuck. It’s Ben’s. Of course.”
I close my eyes and wait for the accusations that I’ve tried to trap him with a baby like a money-grubby whore.
“This is why you’ve been so distant and pulling away and you were leaving me.” He sighs and walks to me, offering me his hand. “So the stress about your dad’s birthday wasn’t what this was really about?”
“Lori, we gotta go!” Carson shouts as he knocks on the door, making me jump.
“Yup,” Lori calls back. “Give me one minute.”
With trembling fingers, I take his hand to help me stand. He grips me, making me unsure if it’s anger or upset or both.
When I’m steady on my feet, he lets go and says the worst thing I imagined he would, “Were you going to trick me into thinking it’s mine or were you going to tell me?”
I flinch but say nothing. The question is legit but also incredibly offensive and cruel. It isn’t the response I was promised. It’s the one I feared.
All my nightmares are coming true.
I should have gotten on the plane.
I’m not in the right head space to deal with his rejection.
“Holy shit. I can’t do this right now. I’ve got to go. We have to talk about this after.” He moves like he might step closer, but he doesn’t. He opens the door and walks out, carrying Nat’s stick.
My poor battered heart feels like it might fall out again.
Desperately needing to be away from this, I spin and rush for my bag to pack.
Sukii comes running in a moment later. “Are you okay?”
“I have to go. But you should stay.”
“No, I’m coming. I told Cap you wouldn’t want to stay if Lori didn’t handle the news well. Was he a dick?”
“I just want to go,” I say as I grab my toiletries and stuff them into the bag.
“I’ll get my things and meet you downstairs in five?”
“Okay.” I do a quick scour of the room, not sure what I’m doing or where I’m going or how I’m getting off this island.
My fingers shake when I pull my phone from my bag and press my brother’s contact.
“Hey!” he answers loudly. “Where are you?”
“Martha’s Vineyard.”
“You talk to Lori?”
“Yeah, I need your help.” It’s the hardest sentence to say, but he’s the only person I can ask.
“What do you need?”
I close my eyes and whisper as the tears begin to choke me up, “Off this friggin’ island.”
“Okay, go to the airport on the island and I’ll figure it out.”
“Thanks.” I tap the phone off before he says anything else. I’m way too close to sobbing and I can’t do that. Not here. Not like this.
16
Always be my idiot
Lori
The drive to the wedding is a haze.
The small stick with the two blue lines feels as if it weighs a hundred pounds in my pocket.
Brady shouts, “You stallion!” and hits me on the arm as we roll up to the resort where he’s getting married.
I laugh like everything’s fine, and I don’t have a stick my girlfriend pissed on in my pocket. It takes every ounce of strength I have in me to paste on the mask I usually wear for my parents and their friends.
As the limo stops, Brady gives us all a look. “I love you guys. Thanks for being here today for me.”
We hug and hit each other and Brady plants juicy kisses on all our cheeks.
I tell myself to turn off.
No feelings.
I’ve faked my way through dozens of events like this one. I can do it again.
No ruining Nat and Brady’s day.
I focus hard on that.
It helps that the wedding venue