to kick them both in the shins. Oh Ruby, surely not? She couldn’t be into Zach. He dressed like a teenage gamer and needed a haircut. His arms were more tattoo than human being. He was arrogant and bossy. He ate food like a hungry Labrador. He was… I stopped running through my list of the things I least liked about Zach as he and Ruby carried on chatting in front of me.
‘A model! I can see that about you,’ he said, which made Ruby laugh and flick her hair to the other side of her face.
Urgh, flirting was disgusting.
‘Drink!’ shouted Norris, appearing on the shop floor with a tray bearing a bottle of champagne and several mugs. ‘You were all brilliant, especially Florence, and I want to say thank you.’
He balanced the tray on the non-fiction table, covering up the faces of Cromwell and Queen Victoria, and opened the bottle with a pop.
‘I got a selfie with the pug!’ said Eugene, handing the mugs around.
‘Don’t mention that dog,’ I said, peering into the mug he’d given me. Its sides were dark brown with tea stains. Could I drink champagne from this?
‘Cheers!’ said Norris, holding his mug in the air. ‘We’ve sold 126 copies of that daft poetry book, on top of the tickets.’
‘I got some great photos,’ said Zach, lifting the camera from around his neck and scrolling through them. ‘I’ll post them online tomorrow.’
‘I don’t want to see them,’ I said.
‘I do!’ purred Ruby, stepping closer to Zach to look at his camera screen.
So much for that self-imposed period of abstinence, I thought. If I came downstairs in the morning to find Zach in our kitchen looking for tea bags, I would move out. What if I bumped into him in a towel? Gross. Or what if I had to watch telly while they snogged on the sofa? Nope. Oh my God, what if he and Ruby ended up getting married and we all had to spend Christmases together? The thought was unbearable.
‘Where’s your man, Florence?’ Zach asked suddenly, looking up from his camera. ‘I thought he was coming?’
‘Yep, he is. I mean, he was, but I think he’s been held up in the office.’ I didn’t know this for sure, since Rory still hadn’t messaged, but I didn’t want to admit to as much. I felt a strange sense of conflict, annoyed at Rory and yet keen to defend him against Zach.
‘Maybe he’s been held up by the Prime Minister,’ suggested Eugene, before gasping, ‘What if it’s a matter of national importance?’
‘All right, let’s not exaggerate,’ I said, jumping at a rap on the shop window behind me. ‘See? There he is.’
I put my mug on the tray and hurried to open the door.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Rory said, wincing at me. ‘I got caught in the office with a crisis and missed your big moment. I’m a terrible, terrible boyfriend so… here are these.’ He pulled a bouquet of blue peonies from behind his back and leant forward to kiss me on the side of my head. ‘Forgive me?’
‘Don’t worry,’ I replied, not wanting to seem difficult. ‘Come in, come say hi to everyone.’ I took the flowers and pulled him into the shop with my other hand. ‘Everyone, this is Rory. Rory, this is Eugene, Norris, you’ve already met my sister Ruby, and Zach.’
‘Hello,’ Eugene said instantly, pushing in front of the others to shake his hand. Even after a long day in the office, Rory looked impressive, a day’s stubble darkening his jaw.
‘Hello again,’ said Ruby, waving at him. ‘I think you might have a small hairy rival for your girlfriend’s affections.’
‘Norris,’ said Norris, holding out a huge hand.
Which left Zach.
‘Rory Dundee, how do you do?’ said Rory, extending his arm towards him.
Zach shook his hand but I could feel disdain radiating from where I stood. ‘You missed her big moment.’
‘Argh, I know,’ Rory groaned, letting go of Zach’s hand and clapping it to his chest. ‘We just have this developing crisis in Oman.’
Zach failed to look impressed. Eugene made a strange sort of cooing noise.
‘Drink, Rory?’ Norris said, nodding at the tray of champagne.
‘Yes please, thank you. Although I hardly feel I deserve it, being this abominably late. What’s this about a rival?’ He reached around my waist and kissed my head again.
I sighed. ‘Fumi’s dog tried to have sex with my leg. On stage. In front of everyone.’
‘Sensible dog,’ Rory replied, which at least made me smile.
‘Florence was brilliant,’ went on Zach. ‘You