and Noel.
I know we’ll end up laughing then too.
It’s how he makes me – it’s like all my worries and fears lighten when I speak to him.
I go down the stairs and I’m still smiling, even when I open the door.
CHAPTER THIRTY NINE
Lucy
‘I’m sorry.’
I can’t look at her.
I am beyond embarrassed.
I spoke to the consultant at 8am. He was actually very nice, and seemed to understand that it was the cream I was trying to get, and he believed that it hadn’t happened before.
Not in years.
But he wants me to see my GP and he is going to have to speak with social services.
I was discharged at 8.30am – bundled into a taxi wearing two hospital gowns. I’ve been home and cleaned up the house and I’m not up to driving so, at lunchtime, I phoned for a taxi. It’s waiting in the street and I just want to grab Charlotte and run.
‘Thank you,’ I say and I still can’t look at her. ‘I’m really sorry….’
‘Why don’t you pay the taxi and come in,’ Gloria says. ‘Charlotte’s just upstairs with Daisy.’
I can’t really say no, can I?
I pay the taxi and I walk into the home I once destroyed.
‘Do you want a coffee?’ Gloria offers and I shake my head. It hurts to shake my head. ‘Could I have a glass of water?’
‘I might have one too,’ says Gloria. We share the briefest of looks as she hands me a glass, as I drink cool water and Gloria does the same.
‘How’s Charlotte?’
‘A bit confused,’ Gloria says. ‘She’s very worried about her mum,’ she adds. ‘Which she doesn’t need.’
I close my eyes, I don’t want a lecture, but I know I deserve one, except it doesn’t come. ‘You’ll get there, I’ve told her.’ I look up at Gloria. ‘Charlotte adores Daisy.’
‘I know,’ I nod. ‘She talks about her all the time.’
‘A social worker called.’ I close my eyes in shame. ‘I told her that Charlotte was here with me and that she was fine. I said that, from everything I know, you’ve been a wonderful mother but that you’ve been struggling since your husband died.’ After all this time she hands him over to me and, the strange thing is, now I don’t want him. ‘I told her that I would do all I can to help with Charlotte. That’s if you want me to.’
I don’t know what she means.
‘Charlotte said that you weren’t able to take her to the dentist.’
My face is burning, I go to take a drink but my glass is empty, and Gloria takes it. She takes hers too and is gone a moment then she comes back with both of them filled and we both take a gulp of our cool water. ‘I can take her to Noel for you – it’s no problem for me and it might give Charlotte a chance to see Daisy now and then.’
‘It’s every few weeks,’ I say.
‘I know that.’
‘Why?’ Why is she being nice?
‘I can’t help but care about Charlotte,’ Gloria says. ‘To tell the truth Lucy, I didn’t do the best by my girls sometimes, I was a bit missing in action for a while.’ She smiles at my frown. ‘I don’t want the same for Charlotte. When’s her next appointment?’
‘I haven’t made one. I cancelled them.’
‘She needs her teeth sorted. Ring for an appointment and let me know when it is and I’ll take her.’
I’ve been so worried about her teeth.
They really do need sorting, they were just starting to look nice – I just didn’t know what to do.
‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘And thank you for last night.’
My head is pounding and I wince. I put my fingers to my temples, I just want it to subside and then I say it. ‘I’m sorry.’
There’s a very long silence.
‘I’m so sorry, Gloria.’
We both know, I think, that I’m not just referring to last night.
‘Why don’t you leave Charlotte here tonight,’ Gloria says. ‘I’ve got Daisy and in some ways it’s easier having the two of them.’
‘Her school uniform…’ I close my eyes and it hurts, my head hurts and I actually think I might be sick. I don’t know why she’s being nice, well I know it’s because she cares about Charlotte, or more that she just is…
…nice.
‘I could ask my friend Jess to bring it over this afternoon.’
Last night I remember it being so important that neither Jess nor Luke found out. I refused to give them anyone’s number. Now, with what’s happened, I really don't