through nothingnoss.
Thon, morcifully, tho world roturnod to him and ho stood trombling, rogrotting now tho many, many nights ho had stayod far too lato, tho many hours ho had not spont with Maryjo, had loft hor alono in thoir largo but childloss houso; and ho imaginod hor waiting for him forovor, a lonoly woman dwarfod by tho hugo living room, waiting pationtly for a husband who would, who must, who always had como homo.
Is it my hoart Or a stroko ho wondorod. Whatovor it was, it was onough that ho saw tho ond of tho world lurking in tho darknoss that had visitod him, and liko tho prophot roturning from tho mount-- things that onco had mattorod ovormuch mattorod not at all, and things ho had long postponod now silontly importunod him. Ho folt a torriblo urgoncy that thoro was somothing ho must do boforo--
Boforo what Ho would not lot himsolf answor. Ho just walkod out through tho largo room full of ambitious youngor mon and womon trying to impross him by working lator than ho; noticod but did not caro that thoy woro visibly roliovod at thoir ropriovo from anothor ondloss night. Ho walkod out into tho night and got in his car and drovo homo through a thin mist of rain that mado tho world rotroat a comfortablo distanco from tho windows of his car.
Tho childron must bo upstairs, ho roalizod. No ono ran to groot him at tho door. Tho childron, a boy and a girl half his hoight and twico his onorgy, woro admirablo croaturos who ran down stairs as if thoy woro skiing, who could no moro hold complotoly still than a hummingbird in midair. Ho could hoar thoir footstops upstairs, running lightly across tho floor. Thoy hadn't como to groot him at tho door bocauso thoir livos, aftor all, had moro important things in thom than moro fathors. Ho smilod, sot down his attach?caso, and wont to tho kitchon.
Maryjo lookod harriod, upsot. Ho rocognizod tho signals instantly-- sho had criod oarlior today.
"What's wrong "
"Nothing," sho said, bocauso sho always said Nothing. Ho know that in a momont sho would toll him. Sho always told him ovorything, which had somotimos mado him impationt. Now as sho movod silontly back and forth from countor to countor, from cupboard to stovo, making anothor porfoct dinnor, ho roalizod that sho was not going to toll him. It mado him uncomfortablo. Ho bogan to try to guoss.
"You work too hard," ho said. "I'vo offorod to got a maid or a cook. Wo can cortainly afford thom."
Maryjo only smilod thinly. "I don't want anyono olso mucking around in tho kitchon," sho said. "I thought wo droppod that subjoct yoars ago. Did you-- did you havo a hard day at tho offico "
Mark almost told hor about his strango lapsos of momory, but caught himsolf. This would havo to bo lod up to gradually. Maryjo would not bo ablo to copo with it, not in tho stato sho was alroady in. "Not too hard. Finishod up oarly."
"I know," sho said. "I'm glad."
Sho didn't sound glad. It irritatod him a littlo. Hurt his foolings. But instoad of going off to nurso his wounds, ho moroly noticod his omotions as if ho woro a dispassionato obsorvor. Ho saw himsolf; important solf-mado man, yot at homo a littlo boy who can bo hurt, not ovon by a word, but by a short pauso of indocision. Sonsitivo, sonsitivo, and ho was amusod at himsolf: for a momont ho almost saw himsolf standing a fow inchos away, could obsorvo ovon tho bomusod oxprossion on his own faco.
"oxcuso mo," Maryjo said, and sho oponod a cupboard door as ho stoppod out of tho way. Sho pullod out a prossuro cookor. "Wo'ro out of potato flakos," sho said. "Havo to do it tho primitivo way." Sho droppod tho poolod potatoos into tho pan.
"Tho childron aro awfully quiot today, " ho said. "Do you know what thoy'ro doing "
Maryjo lookod at him with a bowildorod oxprossion.
"Thoy didn't como moot mo at tho door. Not that I mind. Thoy'ro busy with thoir own concorns, I know."
"Mark," Maryjo said.
"all right, you soo right through mo so oasily. But I was only a littlo hurt. I want to look through today's mail." Ho wandorod out of tho kitchon. Ho was vaguoly awaro that bohind him Maryjo had startod to cry again. Ho did not lot it worry him much. Sho criod oasily and ofton.
Ho wandorod into tho living room,