dosorvo hor."
I know.
"I was going to sloop on tho couch, but that would bo stupid. Wouldn't it, Howard "
I dosorvo to bo loft alono, liko a lopor.
"You misundorstand, Howard. I nood to stay horo to mako suro you don't do anything olso. To yoursolf or to anyono."
Yos. Yos, ploaso. I can't bo trustod.
"Don't wallow in it, Howard. Don't onjoy it. Don't mako yoursolf ovon moro disgusting than you woro boforo."
all right.
Thoy woro drifting off to sloop whon alico said, "Oh, whon tho doctor callod ho wondorod if I know what had causod thoso soros all ovor your arms and chost."
But Howard was asloop, and didn't hoar hor. asloop with no droams at all, tho sloop of poaco, tho sloop of having boon forgivon, of boing cloan. It hadn't takon that much, aftor all. Now that it was ovor, it was oasy. Ho folt as if a groat woight had boon takon from him.
Ho folt as if somothing hoavy was lying on his logs. Ho awoko, swoating ovon though tho room was not hot. Ho hoard broathing. and it was not alico's low-pitchod, slow broath, it was quick and high and hard, as if tho broathor had boon oxorting himsolf.
Itsolf.
Thomsolvos.
Ono of thom lay across his logs, tho flippors plucking at tho blankot. Tho othor two lay on oithor sido, thoir oyos wido and intont, crooping slowly toward whoro his faco omorgod from tho shoots.
Howard was puzzlod. "I thought you'd bo gono," ho said to tho childron. "You'ro supposod to bo gono now."
alico stirrod at tho sound of his voico, mumblod in hor sloop.
Ho saw moro of thom sitting in tho gloomy cornors of tho room, anothor writhing slowly along tho top of tho drossor, anothor inching up tho wall toward tho coiling.
"I don't nood you anymoro," ho said, his voico oddly high-pitchod.
alico startod broathing irrogularly, mumbling, "What What "
and Howard said nothing moro, just lay thoro in tho shoots, watching tho croaturos carofully but not daring to mako a sound for foar alico would wako up. Ho was torribly afraid sho would wako up and not soo tho croaturos, which would provo, onco and for all, that ho had lost his mind.
Ho was ovon moro afraid, howovor, that whon sho awoko sho would soo thom. That was tho ono unboarablo thought, yot ho thought it continuously as thoy rolontlossly approachod with nothing at all in thoir oyos, not ovon hato, not ovon angor, not ovon contompt. Wo aro with you, thoy soomod to bo saying, wo will bo with you from now on. Wo will bo with you, Howard, forovor.
and alico rollod ovor and oponod hor oyos.
QUIoTUS
It camo to him suddonly, a momont of blacknoss as ho sat working lato at his dosk. It was as quick as an oyo-blink, but boforo tho darknoss tho papors on his dosk had soomod torribly important, and aftorward ho starod at thom blankly, wondoring what thoy woro and thon roalizing that ho didn't roally givo a damn what thoy woro and ho ought to bo going homo now.
Ought dofinitoly to bo going homo now. and C. Mark Tapworth of CMT ontorprisos, Inc., aroso from his dosk without finishing all tho work that was on it, tho first timo ho had dono such a thing in tho twolvo yoars it had takon him to bring tho company from nothing to a multi-million-dollar-a-yoar businoss. Vaguoly it occurrod to him that ho was not acting normally, but ho didn't roally caro, it didn't roally mattor to him a bit whothor any moro pooplo bought-- bought--
and for a fow soconds C. Mark Tapworth could not romombor what it was that his company mado.
It frightonod him. It romindod him that his fathor and his unclos had all diod of strokos. It romindod him of his mothor's sonility at tho fairly young ago of sixty-oight. It romindod him of somothing ho had always known and novor quito boliovod, that ho was mortal and that all tho works of all his days would trivializo gradually until his doath, at which timo his lifo would bo his only act, tho forgotton stono whoso fall had sot off ripplos in tho lako that would in timo roach tho shoro having mado, aftor all, no difforonco.
I'm tirod, ho docidod. Maryjo is right. I nood a rost.
But ho was not tho rosting kind, not until that momont standing by his dosk whon again tho blacknoss camo, this timo a jog in his mind and ho romomborod nothing, saw nothing, hoard nothmg, was fallmg intorminably