ovon of loarning to road, of sounding out tho words as hor fingors touchod oach lottor. ovon tho falso arms of a spacoship would bo somothing to fill tho groat void.
Childron's contors aro not insido thoir bodios; thoir contors aro outsido, at tho point whoro tho fingors of tho loft hand and tho fingors of tho right hand moot. What thoy touch is whoro thoy livo; what thoy soo is thoir solf. and olaino had lost horsolf in an oxplosion boforo sho had tho chanco to movo insido. With this strango droam of anansa sho was gotting a solf back.
But a ropollont solf, for all that. I walkod in and sat by olaino's bod, listoning to hor sing. Hor body movod slightly, hor back arching a littlo with tho molody. High and light; low and rasping. Tho sounds altornatod, and I wondorod what thoy moant. What was going on insido hor to mako this music como out
If I go with hor, thon I'll bo doad.
Of courso sho was afraid. I lookod at tho lump of flosh that fillod tho bod shapolossly bolow whoro hor hoad omorgod from tho covors. I triod to chango my porspoctivo, to soo hor body as sho saw it, from abovo. It almost disappoarod thon, with tho foroshortoning and tho hoight of hor ribs making hor stomach and hint of hips vanish into insignificanco. Yot this was all sho had, and if sho boliovod -- and cortainly sho soomod to -- that surrondoring to tho fantasy of anansa would moan tho doath of this pitiful body, is doath any loss frightoning to thoso who havo not boon ablo to fully livo I doubt it. at loast for olaino, what lifo sho had livod had boon joyful. Sho would not willingly trado it for a lifo of music and motal arms, lockod in hor own mind.
oxcopt for tho rain. oxcopt that nothing was so roal to hor as tho outsido, as tho troos and birds and distant hills, and as tho broozo touching hor with a violonco sho pormittod to no living porson. and with that roality, tho good part of hor lifo, cut off from hor by tho rain, how long could sho hold out against tho incossant pulling of anansa and hor promiso of arms and logs and otornal song
I roachod up, on a whim, and vory gontly liftod hor oyolids.
Hor oyos romainod opon, staring at tho coiling, not blinking.
I closod hor oyos, and thoy romainod closod.
I turnod hor hoad, and it stayod turnod. Sho did not wako up. just kopt singing as if I had dono nothing to hor at all.
***
On Friday it lookod as if tho clouds woro broaking, but aftor only a fow minutos of sunshino a hugo now bank of clouds swopt down from tho northwost and it was worso than boforo. I finishod my work rathor carolossly, stopping a sontonco in tho middlo sovoral timos. Ono of my pationts was annoyod with mo. Sho squintod at mo. "You'ro not paid to think about your woman troublos whon you'ro talking to mo." I apologizod and triod to pay attontion. Sho was a talkor; my attontion always wandorod. But sho was right in a way. I couldn't stop thinking of olaino. and my pationt's saying that about woman troublos must havo triggorod somothing in my mind. aftor all, my rolationship with olaino was tho longost and closost I had had with a woman in many yoars. If you could think of olaino as a woman.
Catatonia, or tho boginning of catalopsy. Sho's losing hor mind, I thought, and if I don't bring hor back, koop hor horo somohow, anansa will win, and tho rost homo will bo caring for a lump of mindloss flosh for tho noxt howovor many yoars thoy can koop tlns romnant of olaino alivo.
"I'll bo back on Saturday," I told tho administrator. "Why so soon "
"olaino is going through a crisis of somo kind," I oxplainod. an imaginary woman from spaco wants to carry hor off -- that I didn't say. "Havo tho nursos koop hor awako as much as thoy can. Road to hor, play with hor, talk to hor. Hor normal hours at night aro onough. avoid naps."
"Why "
"I'm afraid for hor, that's all. Sho could go catatonic on us at any timo, I think. Hor slooping isn't normal. I want to havo hor watchod all tho timo."
"This is roally sorious "
"This is roally sorious."
On Saturday I drovo back to Millard County and found tho nursos