working right. I can’t take it in.
He wants to be with me?
I’ve never even considered dating Theo. We were merely strangers who became acquaintances and then friends, all while fulfilling a role for each other. And, yes, that turned into mind-blowing sex, but that’s all it was supposed to be, just two adults seeking pleasure in each other for a few days. It wasn’t supposed to be anything more. We weren’t supposed to catch feelings.
I don’t know what to say. All I wanted from tonight was for Lucas to get jealous and to feel a small iota of the pain that I felt when I walked in on him with that girl, that I’ve still felt every day since. And maybe, though I’ve never admitted this to anyone, I secretly wanted him to fall at my feet and beg me for another chance so passionately that I’d have no choice but to take him back. Because I loved him so much when we were together that I almost don’t even know who I am without him now.
But here is a wonderful, hot, adorable guy standing in front of me, telling me he’s crazy about me and that I have options.
What do I do with that? My brain is reeling.
This thing with Theo was never supposed to happen. I thought he liked Amy, so I didn’t even allow myself to daydream how it would be, being with him properly, after last weekend ended. Now that I know he likes me, my head is spinning like a top, and I don’t even know what I want.
He’s terrific, but I’m still in love with Lucas … aren’t I? Eight years I was with him. Yes, he hurt me and ripped my heart out, but you can’t just turn feelings like that off—though I wish I could. I’m so confused that I can barely think straight.
Theo is watching me, waiting for me to speak. I don’t even think he’s breathing. Swallowing awkwardly, I try to formulate words, but they’re just gone.
Thankfully, high-pitched tings cut through the air, the sounds of someone tapping a knife on the side of a glass, and seconds later, my mother sticks her head out of the patio door, and her eyes land on me.
“Oh, there you are! Come, Luciella. Papà is about to make a speech.” She expectantly holds out her hand to me.
Oh, thank goodness. Precious few minutes’ reprieve where I can work out what I want to say!
I nod at her dumbly, and Theo steps back, letting his arms drop from my waist as he forces a polite smile and turns to my mother.
Still in a daze, I walk away from him, my heart in my throat.
The speeches are relatively short. I stand at the front, next to Mamma, who beams with pride as my father thanks everyone for coming and talks about his grand plans for a lazy future. After, a few people step up and say lovely things about my dad and funny stories about what it was like to work with him over the years. I don’t dare look at Theo or Lucas. I clap and toast and sip champagne along with everyone, trying to pretend like I don’t feel as if I’d been put through a wringer.
After the cake is carried out and my dad has made a big show of blowing out the candles and grinning like a loon, it’s over, and instead of going back to Theo, who is chatting with one of my father’s managing directors I introduced him to earlier, I point over my shoulder and mouth the word, Bathroom, at him.
He nods in understanding, and I slink away through the crowd, trying to clear my mind. My thoughts flick from Theo to Lucas and back again. I’m still none the wiser.
As I wander up the deserted hallway towards the bathroom, I’m so lost in my own head that I don’t hear Lucas approach until his hand closes around my wrist.
“We need to talk,” he states, and he pulls me into one of the spare bedrooms, closing the door behind him.
twenty-two
Lucie
“Lucie, we need to work this out. I hate being without you. I miss you so much. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you, sweetheart.”
I’m standing in the middle of the room, my mouth agape, staring at him, trying to take it all in. Lucas never apologises for anything, and right now, he’s almost grovelling. My insides clench, and I wring my hands, unable to look away from