Lucas again, an ache builds in my chest. I miss him. Or maybe more accurately, I miss the routine, comfort, and security of him. I miss the sex on tap, the cosiness of falling asleep next to someone at night, the sound of the words I love you being whispered in my ear. I miss that easy life of being in a committed, stable relationship. I’m not a pushover by any means, but if Lucas came back, crawling on his knees, and said he’d made the biggest mistake of his life … I would consider it and likely cave. I love him. I’d thought we were it. Just because he was balls deep inside someone else doesn’t mean I can turn those feelings off overnight—as much as I’d like to be able to. Hopefully, one day.
I reach up and rub at my chest as visions of walking in on him and his personal trainer screwing on my burnt-orange velvet sofa spring to mind. Ugh! Where is the eye bleach or rewind button when you need it? I would give anything just to forget it and go back to normal.
My life has been blown to pieces in the last three months. Everything has changed, and I’m still scrambling to try and make sense of a future without Lucas in it, trying to fill that gaping hole he’s left in my life. Pretending I’m okay. Faking it until I make it.
And Theo is certainly hot enough to make Lucas burn with inadequacy if I were to take him to my dad’s party with me. Lucas is good-looking, but Theo, he’s all kinds of hot.
But … no … my mind is made up. I’m going to cancel. It’s official; I’m a big, fat chicken.
I’ll catch him before he leaves his meeting and let him know I can’t accompany him after all. Or even better, I’ll take the coward’s way out and text him instead, in case he’s annoyed I’m messing him around. Dumping via text will be much easier and less awkward for us both. Besides, he can’t be too upset about it really. I mean, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing, and it’s not like a hastily scribbled contract and a handshake are legally binding. And to be honest, he’s probably having the exact case of buyer’s remorse I am now and thinking of a polite way to let me down too.
I wheel myself in closer to my desk and reach into my handbag. I haven’t even unpacked yet. When I arrived earlier this morning, I was handed a list of coffees that were required for my boss’s meeting and shooed out of the building to fetch them before I even got a chance to sit down at my desk. Then, Lift-gate happened.
I pull out my Magic 8-Ball and set it on my desk to use as a paperweight. Other than a few pairs of shoes and a couple of handbags, it’s the only thing useful in the three packages Lucas sent over via my parents yesterday. Everything else is pretty much junk that I’ll have to get rid of at some point.
I pull out my phone and am about to compose my letdown text to Theo when a shadow falls over me. I glance up and see David, my boss, looking down at me as he sets his hand on my shoulder, squeezing supportively.
“Lucie! What a disastrous morning you’ve had already, and it’s barely past ten o’clock. How are you?” he asks, worriedly eyeing me.
I force a smile and shrug. “I’m fine. It wasn’t too bad. I’m sorry I missed your meeting.” I was supposed to have taken notes.
He waves a dismissive hand and perches on the edge of my desk, pushing his glasses up his nose with one finger. “Oh, don’t worry about that! I’m just glad you’re okay. You were in there quite a while; it must have been awful.”
It wasn’t. Actually, it was quite fun. “It wasn’t ideal, but I survived,” I joke, grinning.
He blows out a big breath and rakes a hand through his hair, messing it up. “Lucky it wasn’t me; I hate enclosed spaces. I think I’ll take the stairs from now on! I might even lose a few pounds because of it. My wife is always telling me I should get in more exercise.” He chuckles, patting his rounded tummy.
My mind flicks to Theo and that cute, panicked expression that crossed his face when he realised we were stuck. It made my heart clench, and