and Amy are having a quiet conversation with their foreheads pressed together, staring into each other’s eyes. She’s still attached to his front like a new appendage.
I flop down on the sofa and pretend to watch TV. “How’s work going?” I ask Tim as Amy finally detaches herself from my brother.
Jared slaps me on the shoulder in greeting. “I’ll be five minutes; I just need to change, and then we can go meet everyone else.”
I nod in acknowledgement.
Tim blows out a big breath. “Man, work’s busy. I can’t wait for next weekend, so I can have a whole weekend off! It’s gonna be lit!”
Heather laughs. “Lit? Are you trying to pretend to be younger than you are again?”
I grin. “Is there something happening next weekend?”
A sharp slap to the back of my head makes me wince and chuckle at the same time.
“Only the wedding of the century,” Amy chirps excitedly, grinning at the thought of her impending nuptials.
“Oh, is that all?” As if I could really forget!
Secretly, I’m dreading it. My grand master plan is to get drunk—so drunk that I can look back in years to come and not remember a bloody second of it.
“You have a plus-one, by the way. You said you’d be bringing someone,” Amy continues, sternly looking at me.
I roll my eyes. “I will. I’m not a savage.”
“Well, do we get to know her name yet or what? We need it for table plans and name cards.” She leans over and grabs the bowl of peanuts from the coffee table, taking a handful and stuffing them in her mouth before offering the dish to me.
I shrug and reach out, taking a handful too. “Not likely. I don’t know her name yet. I’ll let you know when I do.” I shoot her a grin.
“You’re such a dog!” Heather jokes, laughing, sticking her tongue out at me.
I laugh good-naturedly.
I’m not a dog though. I’m just not a monk either. Despite being trapped in my one-sided, unrequited, awkward crush scenario, I still date. Hell, I’m a guy. If I’m not thinking about work, football, or food, I’m thinking about sex. I still have needs, and sometimes, my right hand just doesn’t cut it. I’ll be honest; I’m always on the lookout for someone to blow my mind, someone to take my mind off Amy and make me feel less shitty inside. So far though … bupkis. I haven’t found anyone who holds my attention for longer than a few dates.
“I can set you up with someone if you want,” Tim offers, sipping at his beer. “There are a couple of cute nurses I work with I could introduce you to.” He flinches as his wife reaches over and tweaks his nipple through his shirt. “Ouch, babe. What was that for?” he asks her, wincing as he rubs at his chest.
Her eyes narrow. “Cute nurses?”
Tim scoffs and waves at me. “For Theo! Why would I need to look at any other woman when I have you, waiting for me at home, all perfect and feisty?”
That seems to have been the right thing to say because she softens and snuggles at his side, reaching out to rub at his sore nipple too.
“Cheers, mate. I’ll keep it in mind,” I reply. “Maybe I’ll meet someone tonight; you never know.”
Amy smiles brightly. She likes the idea of me meeting someone; she’s one of those girls who is happy when other people are happy, resulting in her playing matchmaker for me several disastrous times in the last few months.
Jared walks back into the room then—dressed in shiny black shoes, perfectly pressed trousers, and a white shirt—and he makes me glad I decided to change and steal one of his suits.
“What are we talking about?” He takes the beer bottle from my hand and drains the last half in one go while I frown at him in indignation.
“Theo’s non-existent date to the wedding,” Amy replies.
Jared points the bottle at me. “If you show up without a date, Amy’s nanna is gonna be all over you like a rash. Be prepared. You might wish to try a little harder before it’s too late,” he teases, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
And I know he’s not even a little bit joking. Amy’s eighty-something-year-old eccentric nanna, Peggy, is hilarious … at a safe distance. But if I don’t have a girl to act as a shield, she’ll make me her personal bitch all night.
My mind flicks to my predicament. I know I’m running out of time. I thought