more. "You shouldn't be saying these things."
"Why? Can't we be honest about what we are and want?"
I grasp her head more firmly. "You can always be honest with me. But you are not my property. You are a free woman. What we have to do, we are doing because of the Global Leaders. Someday soon, when Gustave and I take them down, this will not be something we have to pretend. You are my equal. And we cannot lose sight of this when we are behind closed doors."
She frowns. "I told you last night. I enjoy you owning me. I will not change once this is over."
My stomach twists. I firmly say, "You are confusing things, Emilia."
She shakes her head. "I am not. I understand this deeper than you do. The moment you let go of your guilt and embrace it, the easier it will be."
My pulse beats harder, and my chest tightens. "I will never embrace this. You are my equal. Nothing will change that, and I don't want you to be anything less."
"That's not true, and we both know it." She puts her lips on my neck, sucking lightly on my pulse.
I close my eyes. How do I get her to see this is not the path to embrace?
She murmurs, "We can't go in and out of these worlds. You need to be what is required. I need to be yours."
"You are mine as I am yours. Before last night, we were each other's."
"Yes." She drops her towel and pulls a designer dress out of the closet then holds it up to her body. "And we are in a different world now, aren't we?"
My jaw spasms. I want to deny everything she is saying. She's right and wrong. And I wonder how much I've damaged her.
There's a knock on the door. I take the dress and hang it back on the rod, bend down, and wrap her towel around her. "Come in."
Bernadette walks in. "There you are. Gustave is showering. We need to get to Panama City."
"Why?"
"William Davies called Louis. There is a closed event tonight, invite-only. Gustave knows the details."
"Who is he?" ma belle asks.
"The British ambassador stationed in Panama," I reply.
"Will I be going?"
My chest tightens. I hate her anywhere near these men, but it's too dangerous for her not to be with me. And we're still under scrutiny. "Yes. All events, you will be with me. I will not let you out of my sight."
She raises her chin. "Then I want what we discussed. Is that possible for tonight?"
"Whatever you want, I shall get you."
"Good." She drops her towel again and opens the drawer.
Bernadette raises her eyebrows and smirks. "I'll see you both soon."
"What are you doing?" I ask.
Her innocent expression is on her face. I no longer know if she's trying to tease me or be serious. "Looking for panties. Do I have panties, or do you not want me to wear any?"
"Emilia—"
"Stop calling me Emilia. You are not everyone else. You never called me Emilia. You insinuate you don't want me to forget who we are, yet you seem to have."
"I have not."
"Then why are you constantly calling me Emilia? Am I no longer special to you?"
"You know you are."
"Then don't address me by Emilia. Call me your ma belle all the time or never again. If you're talking about me to someone, you may use Emilia. But not to me."
I'm not sure why I'm suddenly calling her Emilia. She already mentioned it once.
Hurt consumes her expression. "Did my actions last night cause you to think less of me?"
My heart beats faster. "No."
"Then why?"
Silence fills the air. Her blue eyes blaze in anger, digging into mine.
I can't get over my guilt. Nothing she says is ever going to make me believe it's okay for me to own her or the things I did to her last night weren't wrong.
"Why can't you accept things as they are?" she asks.
"How are you okay with any of this?"
She straightens, and her eyes glisten. "Before I met you, I was nobody."
"That's not true."
"It is. And I lived in fear. It owned me and consumed every decision I made. Then I met you. Suddenly, I understood everything missing in my life. You gave me the strength to enjoy what others take for granted. I would rather be your property and get every piece of your affection and loyalty in the process than go back to one second of my boring, lonely, meaningless life. But I refuse to be