it well. But I'm going to have to go deeper. Gustave is much better in the underworld than I am. It's why my father chose our roles."
"Your father?"
"Yes. He kept my mother, Gustave, and me in the French countryside. When he visited, he was a traveling salesman. But he was the secret head of Interpol."
"You aren't American?"
So many secrets. So many lies. So much past heartache. "No, I am. My mother was American. Both Gustave and I have dual citizenship. When I was twelve, my father sent me to a military prep boarding school in the States with my mother's maiden name. I never came back to France until I was an adult. It's as if he knew the day would come when Gustave and I would need to play our different roles."
I've had over thirty years to get over my childhood. But I still never fully forgave my father for ripping me away from my mother and Gustave. He stole my adolescence. I didn't understand why I had to leave France or not see my family. The military was the only option I was given. While I don't regret my time in it, I do regret not having a choice.
Maybe it's why I'm telling Emilia this. I can understand her desire to have choices.
She scoots her knees closer to the back of my body so her pert breasts graze my pecs. She caresses the side of my head. "You were only twelve. That's cruel."
I watch the fire flicker and avoid her pitiful expression.
She turns my head back. "Malin—"
I blurt out, "It was necessary. Gustave is five years older, and my father taught him everything about working as a spy. Someone needed to be on the military operations side. And it's nothing compared to the cruelty the Global Leaders enforce."
The Global Leaders should have been taken down years ago. The window was small, and things were in play. Then my father died. Louis took over Interpol.
All these years, Gustave and I have been trusting the wrong person.
But why did Louis hide Emilia from us?
Kalim knew about her. He had her folder. There has to be a reason he didn't give Gustave information about Emilia.
I can't get the question out of my mind. Now I know Louis is bad, it's nagging me even more.
"You've seen a lot," Emilia softly says.
I wrap my arms around her and palm her head. "Which is why I don't want you to know anything about it. It's dark. I only want you surrounded by light."
"I won't crumble."
"Stop telling me that. I haven't once claimed you would."
She sighs. "Thank you for telling me. I promise on my life, I won't tell anyone."
She is strong.
I still didn't want to bring any darkness to her.
I'm relieved she's done with her questions, but I don't forget our disagreement. "As soon as we get to safety, I want you to promise me you won't fight the guys. Whatever they need you to do to keep you safe, I want you to do."
She furrows her brows. "Where will you be?"
My gut twists. I don't miss her lack of promising me, but I answer her question. "In the underworld."
Once and for all, this has to be stopped. It involves me jumping directly into the vortex of sin. I've never had to go as deep as I'm going to need to. I hoped I would never have to. It's always been Gustave's role. But there are no other options. He can't do it all on his own.
We had a small window before my father died. But everything went south. If Louis is on the wrong side, our opportunity to end this has gotten smaller.
And the fact Louis knows anything about ma belle makes me more uneasy than ever before.
11
Emilia
Something is shifting in me. My sudden interest in putting myself in a dangerous position surprises me, but life courses through my veins instead of the usual anxiety I feel.
Maybe it's Malin's fault. As I've sat on his erection, trying not to squirm as it hardens, inhaling limes and leather, the need to experience things I haven't before creates a throbbing in parts of me I didn't know were still alive.
My past experience made me believe Zaka stole everything from me regarding relationships and sex.
I had a good friend once. I was in my early twenties. He was a sweet guy and wanted me, faults and all. We became good friends, and I trusted him enough to try and have sex.
I couldn't do it. Even he