call you it. There's no point denying it. You, Malin, needed me to call you Master. Not because the Global Leaders were there." I lean closer to his lips.
"Emilia, I—"
"And I'm screwed up."
He furrows his brows. "No, you aren't."
"I am. I was dying to call you it and fully submit."
He freezes, except for his eyes scanning my face.
My heart beats faster. "There's so much I liked."
He swallows hard. "What did you like, ma belle."
"Everything you did to me."
His eyes widen.
"I shouldn't. I hated the men degrading me. But the way you made me feel during it... I... I..."
"I wanted to kill them. I still do."
"There was something about the danger of being in that room...with those men...and seeing how long I could go without submitting to you. And then once I did..." I look away, ashamed of what I just admitted to him.
He turns my chin back. "Finish. I want to know."
I take a deep breath, trying to find the words. "Shame. Fear. Desperation at a catastrophic level." I swallow hard. "And so much pleasure, it masked my disappointment in myself. I couldn't think anymore. I just needed you. I would have sold my soul to the devil at that moment to have you."
His eyes grow darker. "You weren't the only one, ma belle."
"No?"
"No. You were beautiful, like always—an angel in the pit of sin. But I hated that you were in that room. As the evening went on, the more you wouldn't submit to me..." He closes his eyes.
I stroke his cheek. "Tell me. I want to hear you say it."
"Gustave told me I needed to shift. I kept repeating you were my property, and I own you. He said it was crucial to get through it. I didn't understand why, but when the President wouldn't stop offering me deals to have you, I told Gustave I would do whatever was necessary to pass the test. And..." He stares at my collar with guilt.
"Say it," I repeat.
"My name sparkled in the darkness all night around your throat. I enjoyed the fact I owned you, and you were my property. That all the men in the room who spent weeks fantasizing and debating about how to break you could see you were mine. I had authority over you, and nobody, not even the President, could do anything about it. The desperate look in their eyes only made me feel more powerful. I owned what they craved. And no matter how much you hated me, I knew you still physically wanted me and not them."
"Yes." I take a shaky breath. Hearing him admit what I saw in his eyes confuses me more.
"I don't want to lose you, ma belle. I love you. I selfishly want you to still love me."
I put my finger to his lips. "You don't understand what I've been trying to tell you."
"What?"
"I don't understand it. As much as I wanted to defy you, I loved every moment of being yours. I saw the desire and evil in those men's eyes. Knowing I was yours, and the power for them to touch me was in your hands...it made me feel special...you owning me."
"Ma belle—"
"I still love you through everything. I won't ever stop. But I know I'm screwed up. The thoughts going through my head shouldn't be there."
"Neither should mine."
The guilt in his eyes pierces through me. I don't want it to be there. It's proof Malin didn't just break me tonight. The Global Leaders broke him. They showed him sides to himself he didn't know existed. He had to dig deep into it. And now we've both experienced it, the temptation to want more hangs in the air between us.
We haven't said such, but I know it, and Malin knows it.
He moves his hands to the back of my neck again. The chain is still wrapped around his fist.
I lean toward his mouth. "Leave it on."
He closes his eyes. "Ma belle—"
"Shhh." I kiss him. A deep, hungry, greedy kiss full of an urgency to solidify this new us.
We aren't the same people. We never will be again. Malin is my owner. I am his property. No matter if we are with the Global Leaders or not, I want to be his in this new way. I can't comprehend why.
I didn't have any concept about what Bernadette meant when she told me in time, I would come to understand it all. I am only seeing a piece of it right now.
Malin is fighting it. He doesn't want to