is what love is. I do not know if it’s worth it. If it makes me any happier. If the pain and frustration of blending a life with another life is worth the gooey moments. I don’t know if the good days will outweigh the bad days.
I don’t know anything.
Yet I keep loving him anyway.
And he keeps loving me.
I’m starting to realise that’s what love is.
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Footnote
? Gretel’s Guide to Becoming The Girlfriend and Staying The Girlfriend
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* ‘To nag’ = Express distaste at any legitimately bad behaviour and ask politely if this behaviour can be changed because it’s making you hugely unhappy.
Acknowledgements
I’d just like to start by quickly thanking all women, everywhere. Whenever I think about this book, and everything I read, everyone I spoke to, every painful secret that was whispered to me, I tear up when I realise the sheer strength of us. If your story is anything like April’s story then I wish you peace, I wish you recovery, I wish you love. I hope I did her story justice. This story was partly inspired by the years I spent, like April, helping victims of sexual violence, and, like April, there came a time when it became too much and I had to stop. So thank you to everyone out there who continues to work for these services. It’s such vital, important, brutally-hard work and you are all my superheroes.
There are so many women in particular I’d like to thank too. To Maddy, as always, my own official dream-maker and powerhouse – and to her amazing team. To Kimberley, my editor, for pushing me to make this book everything that it is. And to everyone at Hodder in general for not batting an eyelid when I sent over the opening line ‘I hate men’. For getting it and believing in it, and championing it, and me, and the work I do. It means the world that I have a publisher who lets me tell these stories – thank you. Also a special shout-out to Becca, your passion and work ethic is as impeccable as your hair.
To my female friends – Rachel, Lisa, Emily, Ruth, Lucy, Ellie, Harriet, Jess, Christi, Non, Lisa, Lexi, Sara, Emma, Louie, Lizzie, Becky, Tanya, Katie, and so many more. Thank you for pulling me through this book, for always picking up the phone, for the insight and wisdom you give me, for the turn-taking we share in reassuring one another that we’re not crazy. To my incredible women in my family – Mum, Eryn, Willow.
And, unlike April, I am proud to say that I don’t hate men, and this is because of the wonderful collection of men in my life who challenge toxic concepts every day. Thanks to my father, to Josh, to all the great men I worked with at Youthnet. And to W, in particular – goodest of all the good eggs.
Finally, to anyone who needs further advice and support after reading this book, please do contact Women’s Aid or Rape Crisis. And to anyone inspired to donate to these causes by this story – please do. They are chronically underfunded considering the huge scale of the issue of violence against women.
For more information and advice for those affected by rape or sexual abuse, contact Rape Crisis or Women’s Aid – both of which are national organisations offering free and confidential support to those in need.
Rape Crisis
Helpline: 0808 802 9999
More information: rapecrisis
Women’s Aid
More information: womensaid
Did you love Pretending?
Turn over for an extract from How Do You Like Me Now?
Month One
Olivia Jessen
Six month bump alert. The belly has popped people, the belly has popped. #BumpSelfie #Blessed
81 likes
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Harry Spears
I liked it so … I put a ring on it.
Harry Spears and Claire Rodgers are engaged.
332 likes
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Andrea Simmons
Poo explosion! But look at that cheeky face …
52 likes
Comments:
Olivia Jessen: Oh no, Andrea. I’ve got all that to look forward to.
Andrea Simmons: I’ll give you a nose peg at your baby shower!
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Event invite: Olivia Jessen’s super-secret baby shower.
16 attending
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Tori’s WhoTheF*ckAmI? Official Fan Page
Alright my f*ckers! Who’s coming to the London show tonight? I can’t believe it’s sold out! I love and adore you all. See you at seven. I’ll be the one on stage with the microphone, wondering how the hell I got so lucky in life.
2434 likes. 234 comments.
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I look out at a sea of earnestness.
There are too many faces to make anyone out individually, but there is a collective look. A collective glow. Their eyes are dewy; their