that again.”
She began to blur in front of him and he wondered if he was having an attack of some sort, then realized, when a tear slid down his cheek, that he'd teared up. He opened his mouth to say something, accept her apology, anything but she spoke up first.
"I think the best thing I can do for you is let you go. You deserve so much more and clearly..." She turned her head toward the ice cream shoppe and Olivia who was chatting with customers. "You have someone you're interested in who doesn't make you carry all of her baggage. To the extent you ever had any, I release you from any responsibility you have for me."
15
She should have done that right away, but he was her anchor to this world outside of prison and her protector against Rolling Thunder. Being out here alone when she'd only ever known the Rolling Thunder gang as friends was scary. It was time to stop being afraid. She had to begin her life anew. It would be hard without Chase; he'd always been there for her. Even at her worst, he was there.
"LuAnn, I don't want to be released. I don't even know what that means."
She looked up into his beautiful dark brown eyes, so earnest, but now they looked confused.
"It means that if you and I ever have a chance at a real relationship, we have to build that on a foundation of trust, desire and love. It means you can’t be here for me because you see me as a responsibility; it has to be because you truly want to be with me. I can't use you as a crutch to lean on whenever I need to be propped up. I have to be with you because I truly want to be, too. You don't deserve less than that. But, neither do I."
She watched his face as emotions moved across it at a rapid speed. His head bowed as he looked at the ground. Then, he raised his head and looked over at the ice cream shoppe. Olivia was just entering the side door with her hands full. He watched Liv for the briefest of moments, then looked at her again. His eyes were intense as they stared into hers. Looking into his handsome face made her heart break into a million little pieces. Why did doing the right thing always hurt so much?
"You don't get to decide for me. You've been doing that for years. I will decide for myself how things will be for me."
Had she been controlling him? God, she had. He'd always been open about the fact that he wanted to be with her, and she'd always used him and ignored his feelings. It was all about her. That realization made her stomach clench so tight that she thought she'd throw up.
"Okay. What do you want to do?"
He hesitated for the briefest of moments, before saying, "I want to take you home to my place and get to know your body all over again. I want to lay with you in my arms and I want to slide inside of you over and over again until we're both exhausted."
Shivers ran down her arms and moisture gathered between her legs. That sounded absolutely fantastic. She hadn't been with him in three years. Anyone. But, she hadn’t wanted to be with anyone else.
"But," he said with a determination in his voice. "But, not until I know that you want the same from me. Me. Not Dog. Not anyone else. Me."
She lifted her right hand and lay it over his heart and felt the strong, solid and steady heartbeat beneath. Enjoying just touching him in this innocent manner, she waited a few seconds before interrupting the silence that now lay between them. Her mind ran in a thousand directions.
"How will I ever get you to understand that my fixation on Dog was merely an immature fear of not belonging, of losing the only world I had? I want you Chase Matthews, only you."
She watched his beautiful handsome face as he processed her words, the sweetest of smiles slowly formed on his face.
"But," she said with the same determination she'd heard in his voice. "But I need to know you want me and not Olivia or anyone else. Only me."
They were at a point where they needed to decide if they had a future with each other. And, there were so many unknowns before them. This was true of every