is practically hopping from foot to foot while my stomach is churning.
She takes me by the hand and leads me towards the bathroom. Where I have left the tests laid out and ready.
“I will wait over here,” she tells me as she sits on her usual chair.
I grab three of the sticks and go about my business before setting them on the sink and washing my hands. Magda checks her watch, and then she meets my gaze.
“Why is it so important?” I ask. “Why does he want this…?”
I leave the words ‘with me’ out of that question, though that’s what I’m really asking.
“It is the Vory way,” Magda answers. “Marriage and family are very important. This is the tradition. And Alexei is thirty-five now. He is ready to start a family.”
The rest of the time passes in silence while I process Magda’s words. Alexei is twelve years older than me. But it does not feel that way. It feels as though we are so similar, sometimes. Except where tradition is concerned.
I never planned to have children of my own.
I always worried that my mother’s insanity had infected my own mind. Which it clearly has. These are the thoughts that eat at me while the time ticks down, determining my fate.
I am bound to destroy anything I love.
“Miss Talia?”
I blink, and Magda is before me, leading me over to the chair.
“You’ve gone pale as a sheet,” she says.
“I can’t be a mother,” I tell her. “I will ruin them. My mind… it’s infected.”
She kneels before me and takes my hands in hers. “Why? Because your mother’s was?”
She knows too. I don’t know why this surprises me, but it does.
“Do you think Alyoshka is infected too?” she asks.
“What do you mean?”
She is quiet for a moment, contemplative.
“Did you know that I have raised him since he was a boy?” she asks.
I didn’t know that. “Why?”
“Because his own father rejected him after his illness. He was born as beautiful as he is now and almost taken away by meningitis as a child. But he is a survivor. Like you. His father did not see it that way though. He could only see him as defective when he lost his hearing. And he cast both his mother and Alexei out.”
My heart longs for him, in this moment. To hug him. To touch him. But I am fascinated by Magda’s words, and desperate for more. She gives them to me.
“He believes he is destined to destroy everything he touches as well, Miss Talia. But we both know this is not true.”
“The woman in the bathtub?” I ask.
Her gaze moves to the floor, pain flickering across her face. “His mother. She blamed him for what happened too. And left him to suffer her actions for all of eternity.”
“Is that why he picked me?” I ask.
“He relates to you,” she says. “But he picked you long before he ever knew your story. He picked you from the moment he saw your face in that photo. The one your friend brought here, asking for his help. He saw something in you, Miss Talia. The same thing I see when I look at you too.”
“What?” I ask.
“He saw life.” She smiles. “He saw the sun breaking through the dark clouds.”
I don’t see how that’s possible, but I don’t argue with Magda. Just as Alexei said to me before when I inquired about the name he calls me. Little sun. He told me it makes perfect sense to him.
Could he really see me that way?
I don’t know.
“He is a good man.” Magda pats my hand and rises to her feet. “He will do right by you, Miss Talia. He will do everything for you. But you must give him time. And be patient.”
She moves towards the sink and then looks back at me. “Are you ready?”
I nod. And I am grateful for her presence. I am grateful for this sweet woman who raised Alexei and cares for me too. Even though I don’t deserve it.
She has been so kind and good to me. And I want to hug her. To thank her. If I knew how.
She glances at the tests and then brings a trembling hand to her face. When she looks at me, her eyes are brimming with tears and she cannot contain her smile.
“I knew it,” she says as she holds up one of the tests for me to see. “You have brought life back into this house.”
34
Talia
When Alexei returns, it is late.
And I am in his bed.