with you,” I started, deciding it was best to just dig in. “When I first came to this party tonight, I had all sorts of plans for how this conversation would go. I was bitter and angry and really wanted to just get revenge for all the ways I felt you wronged me while we were together.”
“I wronged you?” he scoffed, his blue eyes narrowing. “But you’re the one who broke up with me. Saying that crap about me being an entry-level course and you graduating to Yale.”
Yeah, I had said that, hadn’t I?
“So maybe I got a little revenge in already,” I allowed, even though I still didn’t feel one ounce of guilt for how I’d broken up with him.
“You were brutal.”
“That may be.” I shrugged. “But believe it or not, you weren’t exactly the greatest boyfriend while we were together. And though I wasn’t going to say anything about it since I’d already made up my mind to break up with you before I found out, I know all about you and Amber.”
“You… What?” His eyes went wide and he shook his head. “How?”
“It’s called the power of technology and fans who are more loyal to me than my boyfriend was.”
He still looked confused, but I really didn’t care. So I continued, “Anyway, when I first decided to come to this party without you tonight, I had all sorts of plans for how I would give you a small taste of what you put me through the past few years. I wanted to hit you where it counted. And so I came up with a plan for Cole and me to pretend like we’d been romantically involved for years since I figured that was one of the only things that would really hurt you.”
“So you’re not together?” He furrowed his brow.
“We weren’t sneaking around behind your back, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“That’s not what I was asking,” he said. “I’m asking if you’re together now.”
And even though I knew I didn’t have to tell him anything, I found myself saying, “We haven’t officially labeled anything.” I sighed. “But I don’t know, with the way the past few days have gone I guess I’m hoping that that will change.”
He blew out a low breath and leaned back against the wall, like he was only just realizing that this breakup was actually going to stick this time.
That unlike all the other times, he wouldn’t be able to win me back with sugar-coated apologies and empty promises.
“But how are you even considering that?” he asked. “He wants kids and you—”
“I know,” I said, cutting him off.
“Then why even consider it? It could never work out with that issue,” Chad said, like it was a black and white matter where you either wanted something or you didn’t, and every other choice after that was crystal clear.
“It’s not as simple as that,” I said.
“But he wants kids and you don’t,” Chad continued like it should be obvious. “You and I have that in common, which is why we made so much sense. It doesn’t make us bad people. We just have different priorities.”
“We don’t actually have that in common anymore,” I said.
“We don’t?”
I nodded. “I do want kids.” I sighed. “Deep down, I’ve always wanted kids. I just needed to be with someone who could help me believe everything would be okay this time.”
“And Cole does that for you?” He gave me a skeptical look.
“Yes.” As I said it, I realized this was actually a conversation I should be having with Cole. “He does.”
Cole had helped me feel whole and safe and loved. If I had him by my side as my partner in life, I believed we could handle anything that came our way.
And I realized that the longer I stood here talking to Chad, the more time I was wasting that I could be with Cole instead—figuring out if we were interested in the same future.
A future where we got to discover if what we’d built as a friendship could blossom into something even more beautiful.
So, not wanting to waste another moment, I stepped closer to the door and said, “Anyway, I guess that’s all I really had to say to you.”
He looked down at his shiny black shoes for a moment and cleared his throat before peering back up at me. “I guess there’s not really much else to say after that, is there?”
“I guess not.”
In that moment, it was strange to realize that this man in front of me,