that.
She wasn’t a Mother Theresa or anything—the way she looked tonight definitely had me thinking my own impure thoughts—but she was far from the worst candidate for parenthood that I had ever come across.
And yet, she seemed convinced that there was something inside her that inherently made her unfit to be a parent.
Maybe it was my own bias coming in, since I was the odd guy who had actually thought about what I’d name my future kids and the various things I wanted to do with them or teach them, but I just had a hard time imagining her not wanting at least one little munchkin running around that looked like her.
She’d make the prettiest babies. I was sure of it.
Her daughters would go around breaking all the boys’ hearts in high school.
“So I know you just said you aren’t cut out to be a mom, but can I ask when you decided that?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t get upset at me for sticking my nose in her business. “Was it after you met Chad? Or before?” And would it change for her if their breakup actually stuck this time?
“You think the only reason why I haven’t wanted kids is because Chad didn’t want them?” She narrowed her eyes at me.
“I don’t—“ I started, not exactly sure I wanted to answer the question now that she seemed annoyed that I’d even asked her in the first place. “It’s just…I guess I’ve always been curious about it.”
“Well—” she said, pushing the plastic lid on the container with the cake, “—contrary to popular opinion, this Alabama girl actually decided not to multiply and replenish the world a couple of years before moving to Denver.”
“What made you decide that?” I tilted my head to the side. “Was there a specific experience or aha moment that made you realize it? Or did you just never really picture having a family of your own when you were growing up?”
Something like pain flashed in her eyes and her jaw tightened. I suddenly found myself wishing I could read her mind, because when she turned her head to look at the snow falling just outside my kitchen window, I knew she was trying to think of a way to hide whatever caused that flash of pain in the first place.
After a few seconds, she looked back at me and said, “I didn’t always feel this way, no.”
I wanted to ask her what had made her change her mind, but something in her eyes told me that I shouldn’t press her further—probably shouldn’t ever really even bring the subject back up in the future.
So I cleared my throat uncomfortably and said, “Well, I guess it was probably good that you and Chad were on the same page when you were together.”
“Yes.” She nodded curtly. “We had our differences, as you well know, but thankfully, that was never one of them.”
“That’s good.”
“It is,” she said, pushing down the last corner on the storage lid. “Falling for someone who wants something I can’t give him would be its own kind of torture.”
When she held my gaze for a few heart-pounding seconds, I got the sense that even if there had been someone else she’d known who was a better match for her than Chad in every other way, she would never consider putting herself in the situation where he would have to choose between having her or having kids.
Which meant that as much as I wanted it now that they were done, she would never allow us to be anything more than friends.
19
Cole
Arianna and I finished up in the kitchen a few minutes later, and even though I’d been sure she’d head home after our heavy conversation, she surprised me by saying, “It’s almost ten. It’s only right that I hang out a little longer to help you celebrate the actual time that you gave your mom a break and finally graced this world with your presence.”
“Are you sure you want to risk the weather?” I looked out the window into the dark night. The snow was falling even faster than it had a few minutes ago. “If you stay much longer you might get snowed in for the night.”
“You think the weather’s that bad?” She walked over to the big, bay window that overlooked my backyard.
“I saw an accident on my way home.” I joined her as she looked over the scene illuminated by the moonlight reflecting off the clouds. “But then, I am the guy who didn’t