why I shouldn’t be doing this.
So, before I could come back down from the clouds, I slipped a hand to the nape of Arianna’s neck, cradled her head in my fingers, and pulled her lips to mine.
I tried to keep my lips soft and careful.
Tried to go slow to make sure this was really okay with her and I wasn’t just reading the signals wrong.
But the moment our lips met, it was like everything I’d kept bottled up inside of me suddenly exploded under the pressure of being an upstanding guy—and with one single taste of her strawberry-kiwi-flavored lips, everything inside me caught on fire.
She gasped, like she hadn’t really expected me to kiss her, but then her lips met mine in a long, slow kiss and I knew she wanted this. She was just as curious as me.
And when her fingers curled into my hair, my stomach muscles clenched so tight I thought they may never unwind.
This moment was everything.
She was everything.
Electricity surged through my veins as our lips moved together. I let my hands slide to her waist and turned her just slightly until her back was pressed against the wall.
I was trailing hot kisses along her neck when suddenly, her whole body stiffened and she said, “Wait.” Her hands braced against my chest. “Stop.”
“Stop?” I asked, my breath coming in short bursts.
“Yes,” she said, her voice sounding breathy as well. “I— We—“ She took another gulp of air. “We shouldn’t have done that.”
And with those five little words, it felt like I was falling off a cliff.
“We shouldn’t have…?” I furrowed my brow, knowing I must look so dumbstruck. “But I thought…?”
She shook her head, and when her eyes met mine, there was a deep pity in them that I had never seen before.
Pity and regret that I had misinterpreted everything these past few minutes to think that I had a chance with her.
I had humiliated myself on national television several times when I’d fumbled the ball or made a play that lost us the game. But that was a cakewalk compared to how this moment felt.
If the earth suddenly opened up and offered me a bottomless pit to jump into, I would gladly throw myself in if it meant I wouldn’t have to see that look on Arianna’s face.
I pressed my eyes shut. Pinched the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger as I tried to figure out how to come away from this with some shred of dignity.
After drawing in a deep breath, I opened my eyes again and worked hard to smooth my expression.
“Okay,” I said, looking at the abstract painting on the wall beside her head. “Just, um…”
Was there anything I could say to fix this? She’d never want to see me again.
Would she risk driving home in the blizzard to get away from me?
I shook my head and made myself meet her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” was all I could think to say. “I must have had too much to drink tonight. I don’t know what I was thinking.”
This was why I never put myself out there. This feeling right here. This was exactly why I didn’t put myself out there when it came to matters of the heart.
Because I always wanted the girl who would never want me back.
“I, um, I’m just going to head to bed now,” I said, looking at the painting on the wall again. “Just forget any of this happened…if that’s possible. It was a mistake.”
And before I could see any more pity in her eyes, I walked out of the room and down the hall to lock myself inside my own room.
I was just grateful I had a big game to prepare for this week. It would give me a good excuse not to see her for a while.
If she ever wanted to see me again.
21
Cole
Present Day
“Man, that’s brutal,” Ethan said, when I’d finished telling him all about my night of shame.
“Not exactly my favorite memory,” I admitted.
“And she never said anything about it?”
I took a sip from my pineapple margarita and shook my head. “Not a word.” I set my drink on the bar. “I found excuses to stay away for a few weeks after that, but then things went pretty much back to the way they were before. She went back to Chad, and I kept pretending like I really had just been too drunk that night.”
“Really?” Ethan leaned back. “I guess that’s a good thing?”
I shrugged. “Better than having her blocking me on