deranged reason. “Did you ever even care about me? Because from the way you’re talking, it sounds like I was just a stepping-stone on your way to something else. Like our relationship was a trivial thing you deigned to make time for, but you never really cared about me or tried to make it work long-term.”
Tears stung the corners of my eyes. What he was saying couldn’t be further from the truth.
Because I had cared.
I had cared so much that I had done everything for that man. I always put his needs before mine. Always wondered what he would think about every little decision that I made.
I'd planned my whole life and future around the idea that it would be me and him in the end. Because I had loved him that much. I had thought he was worth loving and basing my future dreams around. I’d thought we wanted the same things and he had checked every box for me.
Apparently, every box besides the one where he actually valued me in the way the guy who is really in love with a woman should.
Instead, he had manipulated me, used me, and ultimately betrayed me.
So I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing just how badly he had hurt me. He didn’t deserve to know that he had the ability to make me feel anything.
Because hate was not the opposite of love. The opposite of love was apathy. And the best way to get my revenge on this man who hadn't cared one whit about my feelings was to let him believe that I'd never cared for him at all.
So I pushed my tears back inside so he wouldn't see a trace of pain on my face. And even though it took everything I had left in me, I looked up at him with a coolness in my eyes that would be unfamiliar to him—made my expression as emotionless as I could and said, “We had some good times, Chad. But you're right, I never really loved you.”
Because how could you love someone you never even really knew.
16
Arianna
I was emotionally drained by the time I got home. Breaking up with Chad and acting like I hadn’t ever loved him took more out of me than I expected. All I wanted to do was curl up on the couch next to my mom and let her tell me that everything would be okay, and that I was better off without Chad. But since she was working the night shift at the hospital tonight, I’d have to fall back on one of my trusty old coping mechanisms of eating ice cream and drinking just enough wine that I wouldn’t feel the pain until tomorrow.
Not the healthiest way to deal with things, sure, but it was a whole lot better than what I used to do when life got me down.
It was all about the baby steps, right?
So, resigning myself to a lonely evening of archiving all the photos of Chad and me on my social media sites, I climbed out of my car and strode up the dimly lit path to the front door.
I didn’t notice it until I kicked it with my foot, but when I made it to the welcome mat at the front door, I found a gray gift bag at my feet.
I frowned. What could this be for?
When I lifted it, the bag was heavier than I expected. There was a small blue tag attached to the handle with a message written in a familiar scrawl that said:
* * *
Breakups suck. Give me a call if you need.
Thinking of you.
-Cole
* * *
Awww.
I put a hand to my heart. Cole really was the best friend I’d ever had.
Once I was in the well-lit kitchen, I set the gift bag on the white granite counter and pulled out the blue-and-black tissue paper to reveal several random items inside with blue sticky notes attached to them.
I pulled out the tallest item first—a Monster energy drink—and read the note Cole had written on it. This is to remind you that he won’t be draining your energy anymore.
I couldn’t help but chuckle because Chad had definitely been a drain on my energy the past several months.
I set the drink on the counter and pulled out a White Cranberry scented candle next—my favorite scent. The note said, To light up your future because it’s brighter without him.
I sniffed the candle before pulling out a bag of Sour Patch Kids candy. Because even though he’s