a lonely-looking stalk of celery.
Jesus, a daughter...
My phone rings.
"Hey loser," Nolan says.
"Don't invite girls over to my place when I'm not here," I growl.
Nolan groans. "You really are whipped."
"It's plain common sense," I argue. "A girl like that could be a klepto, a psycho, suicidal..."
"All things I vetted her for, thank you very much," Nolan says with a sniff. "Most guys would be thankful for a hot swimsuit model waiting half-naked on their couch."
"Yeah, well, I'm not. I've had a hell of a weekend, as you know."
"You going to take the deal?"
"Doesn't seem like we have any choice. Anyway, it is a good deal."
"Yeah," Nolan admits, crunching something that's probably chips, "it is."
"That why you're calling me?" I grumble. "To go over what we know already?"
"Nah, I... what's up with you? Disney Weekend that much of a bust?"
"So that's why you're calling?" I growl. "Goodbye, Nolan."
"You pissed because of the model or because I'm right?"
"I'm pissed because I just found out that I'm a father," I snap before I can stop myself.
Fuck.
"Wait - what?" Nolan laughs.
"It's not a joke. Kyra's kid - she's mine."
Even saying it aloud, it doesn't feel real.
"No way," Nolan gasps in a horrified voice. "That's impossible. You get a paternity test?"
"Just a day with her is a paternity test," I grumble back. "I'll send you a pic."
"So, wait - that means I'm an uncle? I now have a decent excuse to go to Fun Haven and pick up hot, lonely single moms?"
"Yeah, not happening."
More crunching. "You're no fun."
More crunching. "And Kyra never told you about this kid?"
"Says I was a kid-hater, and I did dump her pretty shittily."
"Both true," Nolan chimes in.
"Fuck off," I growl.
"Don't shoot the messenger. Still. A kid." Low whistle.
"I know."
"And Kyra?" he continues.
"What about her?"
"You good with her?"
"No, of course I'm not fucking 'good' with her. She didn't tell me about a kid I've had for nine years. Even recently, when we've been seeing each other, she didn't mention it."
"That's fucked," Nolan says, catching on. "What are you going to do?"
When I don't respond, he presses, "Want to know what I think you should do?"
"Nope," I say immediately.
"Forget about her," he says, hastily adding, "Kyra, not the kid. Do your duty by her, visit her or whatever. But as for Kyra? Things are too fucking complicated with that woman. You know I'm right."
When I still don't answer, he says, "Right, well, I'll leave you to it."
'Leaving me to it' only makes me search for more food in my fridge unsuccessfully. And then call her up.
Only she's beat me to it.
"Hey," she says.
"Hey," I say.
"I was just thinking... what if you came back over?" she says. "I know that before... just. There's something I want to say to you in person."
"Not in the mood, Kyra."
"Oh."
"And I won't be for a while. Say it to me here."
Movement on the other end. Sounds like she's walking, or changing the hand that's holding the phone or something.
"Kyra," I say again, "Say it to me here."
"No."
"Do it."
"Landon."
"I want to hear you say it." I already know what she's going to say. I could see this one from a mile off. I'm just so fucking tired, that for once, I'm ready for it. Bring it fucking on.
"This... us... I - "
"Don't think it can work," I finish for her.
"Yeah," she says, voice relieved and sad and something else. "Not now, maybe not ever. I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
"OK, well..." she trails off.
"You'll let me see Madison, though. We can start with a weekend here and there, then see how it goes?" I find myself saying. I had no clue I was going to say that until I did. "I want to be in her life, Kyra."
"Of course," she says. "Good."
"Great," I say.
"Great," she says.
"I should get going," I say.
"Goodbye," she says.
"Goodbye," I say.
And then I hang up the phone.
Only then does it occur to me what I should've said.
Chapter 26
Kyra
"So, it's really over then?" Pompom asks, sprawled on the couch beside me. Her wide green eyes over the rim of the Chocolatey Chai tea she's drinking manage to look sympathetic and shocked all at once.
"I think so," I say.
It feels odd, saying it. Not right. Not wrong either, though.
"I don't think it's sunk in yet," I confess. "After all, it's only been a few days."
A few days of radio silence. The weekend's approaching, so I'll probably hear from him then about seeing Madison. Maddy hasn't shut up about it since I told her.
I check the time, but it's still early.