take them in. The trees are in their full summery splendor. We're walking under a near-ceiling of rustling lime leaves that's chittering with life: fat grey squirrels, teeny chipmunks - there's even a blue jay eyeing us with a tilted head. Lilacs as tall as basketball nets waft their perfume all over us.
I inhale, can't quite stop an oncoming smile.
Ah yes, here we are.
The paths are as empty as I'd have liked them to be if we really were what we look like, the way my arm's hooked in Landon's (when did that even happen? Old habits...) - young, shy lovers off on a new adventure.
No, this rodeo is old, even if it doesn't feel like that - and I'd rather these romantic shady paths be crowded with people, rude, noisy, horrid people who would be a useful distraction, annoyance, anything.
"Ah, here we are," I say, letting go of his arm as we approach the bronze statue that's as high as a building.
It's bigger than I remembered, more detailed. You can see every hair in Alice's wispy eyebrows, every ripple on the bow the grotesque-looking Mad Hatter is wearing.
"You really read the book?" Landon says.
"You remembered?" I ask.
"Didn't you have this idea in college..." He's squinting, trying to remember, half-smiling with it. "An Alice in Wonderland themed club: loopy drinks and wacky music, toadstool tables and Alice herself presiding over the bar?"
"It was just a silly idea," I say quietly.
"I know, I know. Especially for a serious law student with her whole logical life ahead of her."
When I don't say anything, he continues, "I actually thought it was kind of cool."
"You laughed at me." I won't look at him - I won't. "And you are now too!"
"No, I'm not." His hand catches mine.
I pull away. "Well, you should. There's already a bunch of tea houses and bars themed like that already."
"So it wasn't such a bad idea then."
"Maybe not. But life happened."
"I know. You were a dedicated student. And it shows: you're killing us in there."
"I'd rather not talk about that."
He falls silent, which is good, although I wasn't really being honest.
While it feels wrong, us mentioning the case, what feels wronger is dancing around the truth, how I have from almost the start.
Madison. The real reason I never went ahead with the bar idea. The reason I almost didn't make it through law school, and wouldn't have without Mom's help.
The reason, right here, right now, I feel like doing nothing more than turning my back on this man and leaving without looking back.
You have a daughter, I remind myself. A goddamn beautiful, amazing daughter, who's the best thing you've ever created. Tell him. Tell him.
But telling would mean meeting, would mean... no, not yet. Not now. Probably not ever.
Which means this, me and Landon - this can never happen.
But for now, whatever this is, for now, maybe.
"Fancy a bit of boating?" Landon asks.
"I'll be doing the rowing," he adds a few seconds later, suddenly surly.
"You will?" I ask. "I haven't even agreed yet."
His scowl darkens. "There's your MO: arguing with everything I suggest."
"It's my job to argue," I point out.
"That makes it OK?"
"I didn't say that."
"Then what are you saying?"
At some point, we got close and all up in each other's faces, and I'm only now noticing. How his full lips are parted, ready for what I can't let happen. How his hazel eyes look greener when he's mad - or is it when he's aroused?
I take a step back, swallow. Chill, Kyra. "I'm saying that I wanted - want - to go slow - and you..." I trail off, sighing in exasperation at the look on his face. As convincingly innocent as it gets. Damn him. Now I remember why this all seems familiar. "You just suggested we do another date you always promised me we'd do when we were together."
Landon can't even fully scowl anymore. "Fair."
"Thanks."
He steps forward. "Is that a no?"
"No, it's a... let's see if any are available. Paddle boats are pretty popular with tourists."
"Who said it's a paddle boat?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you manage to squeeze a cruise ship in here?"
We chuckle at that. "No, no, you got me. We'll have to save cruising for later. I wish I could've gotten my sailboat here - but we can do that another time somewhere else."
We'll have to save cruising for later... Another time, somewhere else... My sailboat... why does he have to keep making plans and trying to impress me as if we have a