I should be with him. Need to be.
Hang the hell on there...
I pull away with a smile that hopefully doesn't give away my crazy-person thoughts. "You probably want to come inside."
A gentle smile. "That would be nice."
As I let him in, it occurs to me that we never talked about what we'd do once he got here. And that that, in itself, could suggest something.
"I'll put these in water," I say, bustling away with the two bouquets.
Madison's first bouquet. She's going to love it.
Really, I'm buying myself some time. If Landon tries for... that... I'm not sure I can say no. I've missed him. My body has missed him.
But things are going so well. I don't want to jinx things.
"There's a new Bond movie out," he says. "If you're interested?"
"Sounds good to me," I say, heading to the TV room gratefully.
That's another thing I've always loved about Landon. He always takes charge. Knows what to do.
The latest Bond movie is as exciting and funny as I'd hope. The couch we're on is comfortable, but what's even more comfortable is cuddling with Landon, resting with my head on his chest.
"You know," he says, eyeing me thoughtfully as the credits role. "You could be a Bond girl."
"You mean I could kick your ass?" I joke.
"That too," he says. "But mostly that you're classy, pretty, a damn terrific partner."
"What if I don't want to be the partner?" I joke, "What if I want to be the leading lady?"
"Then Superwoman or Catwoman might be more for you," he jokes back. "And in that case, I'll be Superman or Batman."
God, that smile of his is addictive. Has he always had the slightest of dimples?
"Oh yeah?" I say.
"Oh yeah," he says.
Our lips entwine and say the rest. His hands cup my face as his lips and tongue sweep with mine - I've missed you, I've needed this, I've been waiting all night for this.
He pulls away, an odd twist to his lips. "Only you, I swear."
"Only me what?"
He gestures to what I'm wearing. "Could make sweat pants as tempting as lingerie."
"Sorry?" I ask with a devilish smirk.
Our lips meet again. His hands thread through my hair and pull, ever so slightly. Mine do the same. He tastes like the extra butter Orville Redenbacher popcorn we made, and the banana-strawberry smoothie we shared afterwards. He's touching me, stroking me gingerly, as though afraid of what would happen if he dared caress me how he wanted to.
He pulls away, gets up.
"I want to stay, Kyra... but you said no sleepovers?" His questioning look is strained; clearly, it's taking all the self-control he has not to pounce back on me and pick up where we left off.
"Yes, it's probably..." I take a breath. Concentrate, Ky. "Probably for the best."
He nods. Looks away. "I should go."
He makes for the door.
"That's it?" I ask after him. "You're just going to storm out of here?"
There it is again, him going cold with me for seemingly no reason.
He rounds on me with a scowl. "What do you want from me, Kyra? To respect your wishes or to do what I want? Because I can't do both. I'm trying to do the right thing here."
I know I'm being unfair, unreasonable. But I can't stop myself. I want him to stay. I want him to leave. "By leaving without so much as a goodbye?"
"No." Still he won't look at me. "By leaving before I take you how I want to."
His words spark in the air.
"OK," I say.
"OK," he says.
"So, no goodbye kiss then?" I can't resist asking.
He pauses. "Damn. You're really not going to make this easy for me, are you?"
Chapter 20
Landon
"That a no?" she teases.
Fuck - that's a yes.
Yes, I'll have that kiss - and you. I'll kiss your clothes off, kiss you moaning. Kiss you mine.
"That's a no," I say. "Goodnight, Kyra."
And then I leave. Because anything else would end up with me in her bed. Of course, that's what I want. But that's not the only thing I want.
I want to do the right thing this time.
**
Back at home, I can't get her out of my head. I can hardly sleep, hardly eat. Even the next day, trying to get some work done at the office does little good. I have to turn off my phone so I won't call her. Block the internet so I won't look up random useless webpages of her.
Too bad I can't block her from my brain - her hurt face at the end last night, how