he woke up in the morning, yawned, stretched, opened his irritable little eyes, and pondered, what can I do to make Journey’s life more miserable today?
I marched upstairs and caught him red-handed, sitting on the side of the tub and struggling to get his shirt over his head. Because there was a God, his boxers were still on. “What’re you doing?” I demanded.
He startled but then gave me a defiant look over his lily-white shoulders. I was almost tempted to get some shades. “What’s it look like?”
“It looks like you need a damn tan. It also looks like you’re trying to bust your head open on the side of a slippery tub, but that just can’t be the case.”
He harrumphed. “I can take a bath by myself, goddammit.”
I tried to be understanding and empathetic. That wasn’t normally such a tall ask, but my meter ran kind of low at night. It had to be a tough blow to realize there were some things he just wasn’t able to do, but I was leaving soon, and he needed to make smart choices.
I sighed. What the hell? I could haul his ornery rump out of the tub once more for old time’s sake.
“What if I sit over here by the toilet?” I offered. “We’ll draw the curtain. That way I’ll still be close by if you need me, but you’ll have privacy.”
He didn’t fight me on it, which I took to mean, “Yes, Journey. Thank you for being so kind and understanding and coming up with a wonderful solution.”
He grunted no less than five thousand times getting settled in the tub. “And maybe we could talk about something,” I said after a few moments. “Hearing you squishing and squashing things around in there is giving me nightmares.”
“The Dolphins sure are putting together a good team for next season—”
“And not sports, either.”
He was silent for a moment. “I guess we could talk about why you haven’t been back here in three years.”
I blinked. “So… the Dolphins, you say?”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.” I was genuinely confused. “Since when do you want to take a dip in the feelings pool?”
“You have a lot of time to reflect when you think you’re going to die, JJ.” His voice was quiet. “I haven’t always done things the way I should with you, and I know that.”
I was silent while I chewed on what exactly to say. It was easier not to talk about it. Hell, it was easier not to even think about it, but forgetting wasn’t quite as simple.
It took me an hour at my mother’s wake to approach her casket. I touched her hands gently where they rested, folded, over her stomach. They were encased in lace gloves. I stared at those gloves. It didn’t hit me until then that this was not a nightmare I could wake up from. It was all too real. I couldn’t believe lacy fucking gloves did the trick.
Seeing her hands—busy, work-rough hands—encased in those lace gloves made me sick to my stomach. My mother didn’t wear gloves, and she certainly didn’t wear anything as fancy as lace. It made me wonder what the hell they were trying to cover up. Discoloration? Something worse?
I swallowed as I stepped back. My father was still slumped in one of the fold-up chairs, his eyes glassy and unfocused. Family milled about, talking quietly, but he took no notice of any of them. He’d taken off earlier that morning without telling anyone where he was going or what he was doing. Getting thoroughly smashed had been more important than helping the boys pick out their Sunday best for the funeral. Luckily, the boys were with my aunt, who’d flown in to town for a few days. I was relieved. This… this was not the way they should remember our mother. Or our father.
At some point, my Uncle Theo pulled me aside. “He’s been here long enough, I think,” he murmured. “Take him home and maybe get some water in him.”
I didn’t know Uncle Theo and Aunt Tina all that well because they were a lot older and didn’t visit all that often, but I appreciated him being there. In the four days since my mother had passed, I’d made a lot of grown-up decisions that were above my paygrade. It was a relief to have an adult telling me what to do.
I hauled my father up by his elbows and guided him outside. He lurched alongside me, stumbling and muttering. I helped him into