in my mouth like peanut butter, but I managed to get them out. I licked my suddenly dry lips and forged on. “For God’s sake, JJ, I can’t have you and lose you over and over again. That’s not healthy for either one of us.”
“Cam—”
“No. Whatever this is…. Whatever this was, we shouldn’t do it again.”
“Wow,” he said softly, almost to himself. “Just…wow.”
I couldn’t agree more. There was nothing else to say—wow really did a fantastic job of encapsulating it all.
Chapter 27
Journey
I woke in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep. I tried though because I had to be at the airport at seven in the morning. That meant getting up at five, which was only a few hours away. I tossed and turned for a little bit before deciding to do something more productive. I got up, flicked on some mindless TV, and put the volume on low. Then I hauled out my duffel from under the bed and started to pack. I wasn’t all that pressed about it, since after all these years of travel, I could pack in a snap.
I left out one outfit of jeans and a short-sleeved shirt, my camera bag, and a small zippered pouch of sundries. Then I brought my duffel downstairs and put it on the couch. I wasn’t even sure the whole process took me over fifteen minutes. Packing done, I sat next to my bag and pulled out my laptop to prepare for my trip.
I took a moment to enjoy the irony of ordering from Amazon for the Amazon before I started putting things in my cart. I ordered some camping supplies I’d found helpful in the past and then some camera equipment to be delivered to my Seattle loft. The conditions of the Amazon were hell on my gear. The humidity fogged up my lenses inside and out, and the canopy of trees made lighting a challenge. I needed to be ready for any eventuality.
When I finished that, I clicked on the email from Boz regarding the gallery. I downloaded some of the photos they’d chosen, chuckling when I saw one of Lahja midyawn with her sharp teeth on full display. Figures. It didn’t feel like it had only been four months since I’d been face-to-face with a cheetah, taking these pictures. It seemed like someone else’s life. The longer I was in this town, the farther away it felt.
I wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing.
“Where did you get this?”
I startled, looking over my shoulder to see my dad. He was frowning at something in my unzippered duffel. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific, Pops.”
He pulled out my mother’s journal, handling it carefully. “I didn’t know where this had gone.”
“Well, I’m not giving it back, if that’s what you’re after,” I said tartly. “I’ve had it as my constant companion now for over a decade. You might think it’s fanciful nonsense, but Mom’s journal made a huge impact in my life.”
“That’s all well and good. But that wasn’t her journal,” he said gruffly. “It was mine.”
I stared at him, more than a little nonplussed. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
He shrugged as he rubbed his thumb over the cover. “I didn’t know you had it.”
“So you… you wanted to go to all those places?”
He smiled. “Surprised? You’re not the only one who had dreams, JJ. Why do you think I named you Journey?”
I never asked. “I always wondered what you guys were thinking naming us John, Mark, Matthew, and Journey. Apostle, apostle, apostle, and what the fuck?”
“You were first. We hadn’t hammered out our system yet.” He chuckled. “Besides, it fits your personality.”
“I have a what the fuck personality?”
“There’s no good answer to that.”
I watched as he came over and sat on the couch with a sigh. He was moving a lot better, albeit slowly, and had ditched the walker and cane.
“Why didn’t you ever try to go to some of these places?” I asked. “What happened?”
“Life happened. Lori and I had jobs and responsibilities and things got busy. There was always something that had to take priority over daydreams.” He shrugged. “The pipes needed fixing. The roof sprung a leak. The AC went on the fritz. There were bills to pay and things to be done.”
“But surely, at some point, you could’ve made time to do something just for you.”
He waved a hand. “Eh, Lori got pregnant with you, and then John…. I needed more hours at the