she was concerned. I was trying to not let it bother me, but I was failing. So much so that when Mom saw my reaction after she proposed the tree chopping idea, she gave me a stern look and told me to stop focusing on what I couldn’t control and focus on what I could.
So that is why I got out of bed and forced myself to participate.
Pushing the thoughts of worry from my mind, I opened the door and stepped out as Tyler walked up to us. He ran the tree farm for Mom, and when he saw me, he headed in my direction.
“Carol need another tree?” he asked in a laughing tone.
I nodded. “Yes and no. She wants us to get a tree so our guests can decorate it.” I motioned toward Bea and Emilia. They gave him a smile, and he introduced himself. After the pleasantries were over, he motioned for us to follow.
“We’ve got some good ones further out. No one has seemed to want to go that far, but if you’re willing to take the time, I guarantee that they are worth it.”
Emilia squealed, and from her reaction I could tell that was exactly what we were going to do. Tyler handed over the keys to two four-wheelers and made a joke about using an axe or a chainsaw.
Right when I was about to take him up on the chainsaw offer, Emilia piped up. “Let’s use an axe.”
I turned my attention to her. She must not know the kind of effort it took to chop down a tree with an axe. But when I saw Bea nod, I knew there was no way I could change their minds. So I leaned toward Tyler and requested an axe.
He gave me a laughing look as he headed into the small shed and emerged with an axe over his shoulder. “Have fun with this,” he said as he handed it to me.
I pursed my lips and nodded. “Yep.”
We headed over to the four-wheelers. I threw a set of keys to Porter, who caught them, then I turned to Bea. “Ready?” I asked as dropped the axe into the trailer that was attached to the four-wheeler. Then I swung my leg over the seat and shoved the keys into the ignition.
“I’m getting on that?” she asked as she pointed toward it.
I nodded. “It’s the only way we are going to be able to get the tree back.” I tried to convince myself that she was hesitant because machines like this could be dangerous, not because she didn’t want to ride with me. So, I just offered her a smile as I studied her.
She chewed her lip, and I could see the inner war going on inside of her. Porter and Emilia were already on the other four-wheeler, and Porter turned the key, which caused the engine to roar to life.
“It’ll be okay,” I said as I leaned forward to catch Bea’s gaze. “I’ll keep you safe.”
Bea glanced from me to the seat behind me and then sighed. “Promise?”
I nodded as I handed her a helmet. “I swear my life on it.”
She hesitated but then took the helmet from me and slipped it on. “I’m trusting you,” she said, her voice muffled.
That statement felt like a dagger to my heart. I wanted to tell her not to get on the four-wheeler. I wanted to take her home and leave this place forever. I knew she just meant that she trusted my driving, but I couldn’t help but extrapolate her words to other aspects of our relationship.
How could I have been so deceitful to her? I’d purposely conspired with my mom, and I couldn’t help but feel like everything we had done since only added to the conspiracy. Everything about Christmasland was part of this charade of the perfect Christmas town.
And yet, we all knew it was a lie. A lie that I allowed myself to keep telling Bea.
I shook my head slightly to clear it as Bea climbed on behind me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled herself close. My entire body reacted to her nearness. I wanted to pull away and lean in at the same time. There hadn’t been many times in my life where I’d felt this conflicted, and I could normally walk away when presented with the choice.
But not this time. Not with Bea.
“Ready?” I asked as my hand hovered over the key. I needed to get out of my head and focus