but it’d been hard watching my father lie in that bed, watching the life slowly drain out of him.
I grip onto Endymion’s hand for strength as a sob sputters past my lips, thinking about the last moments I had with my father.
“I’m not ready to say goodbye yet, Daddy,” I choke out through my tears. There’s a wildfire in my chest. It’s reckless and incredibly devastating as it sets my other organs aflame. My dad softly pats his frail, skinny hand over mine, trying to comfort me. He’s so weak. It’s breaking my heart to see him like this.
I need more time with him.
It’s all I’ve been asking for, just a little more time.
I hate that I let so many years go by when I didn’t hug him every day. When I didn’t talk to him every day. It’s all hitting me now that I took it all for granted. I won’t be able to do any of it anymore. I won’t hear his warm, throaty laughter. I won’t get to listen to his long-drawn-out explanations. I won’t get to see his smile that reminds me so much of my own when I look in the mirror.
“So many beautiful things await me, Selene. Just like they do for you. I may not be here to hold your hand through it anymore, but I love you, and I am so damn proud.” A tear leaks out of his eye, rolling down his pale cheek, and I crumble. I crawl into bed beside my father, and I rest my head on his bony chest, listening to his heartbeat. Sobs wrack my body, and he rubs my back, telling me in hushed tones everything will be okay. That it’s going to be fine. But it won’t. Because the first man I’ve ever truly loved is dying. He’s leaving me.
My father passed away the next evening while we were all there. The last week has been trying. And if it wasn’t for Endymion, I’m not too proud to say I would’ve already crumbled. I would’ve fallen into a mess of culpability.
Luna is heartbroken, just as I knew she would be, but she’s still young, not yet able to grasp that her papa won’t be coming back because he’s in heaven now. She doesn’t understand why he had to go. Last night we found her curled up with one of my dad’s shirts. It was tucked around one of her stuffed animals like a blanket, and I fell apart. It’s soul-crushing, realizing he won’t be here to watch her grow up.
Endymion has been the glue holding us together, and I thank God. I thank my father, the cosmos, and my lucky stars that I have him, that I was somehow able to find him again.
“I love you,” I whisper, squeezing End’s hand in mine. I don’t know if I’ve said it enough over the past few days, but if I haven’t, I need him to know. He gently tucks his fingers beneath my chin, lifting my gaze up to meet his. He wipes away my hot tears, his finger tracing the planes of my face as he does it.
“I love you, too. I always have.”
I smile through the tears. End was always my sun. I was chasing him. I spent most of my childhood chasing, wishing on every star with his name in mind. I’ve always loved this man. But what has made me love him even more? The way he loves our daughter. Luna is our brightest star, the only one that matters to us. I thank my lucky stars every single day that End decided to chase me—to chase the moon.
After the funeral, we head back to the house, the house that feels empty without any trace of my father. His warm laugh. The sound of his news playing softly in the background. Endymion’s mom offered to help with the food here for everyone after the service. I think everyone knew my mother and me wouldn’t be up to it after today. Upon walking into the house, I hear a broken noise leave my mother, and when I glance at her, my eyes still puffy from the funeral, I see tears streaking down her face. I follow the trajectory of her gaze and my chin trembles with emotion.
The table, where my father’s coffee mug would usually rest beside the coaster, is now empty. My mom drops to her knees, and I catch her just in time as a sob rips from her chest.