shoulders and for a moment, anticipation and excitement went through me.
I met him halfway. “Has the Vorakkar returned?”
My belly sank briefly when he shook his head. “Nik. But a thesper came for you.”
My brow furrowed in confusion. “From the Vorakkar?”
He shook his head again and held out a frosted piece of hide to me, tied together tight. “Nik, from the saruk of Rath Okkili. The thesper had a red string tied to its leg.”
Which meant it was an urgent message.
My heartbeat picked up and I snatched the hide from his hands, untying it to reveal a slim, rolled, slightly damp parchment underneath.
My breath became shallow. An urgent message. Which couldn’t be anything good.
Was it Pattar? Or was it Laru? Or Rasik? Nevir?
Trying to calm the panic, I was careful to unroll the message, not wanting to tear it in its state. I sensed that four pairs of eyes were on me—Essir, Hinna, Gabe, and the pujerak—but I paid them no mind.
The ink was blurred but I read:
Father was injured in an attack on the saruk. Many were injured but we are safe now. Come if you can but be careful on the journey. I will watch for you.
I recognized Laru’s script easily. And as I read the message a second time over, my lungs felt so tight I couldn’t breathe.
It sounded like my voice was millions of lightyears away when I murmured, dazed, “My father has been injured. There was an attack on the saruk.”
I felt a touch on my arm. When I looked up, I saw it was Hinna, her expression sympathetic and gentle. I felt tears prick my eyes. Because I knew that Laru wouldn’t write to me unless he’d been seriously injured. She wouldn’t have me risk the journey during the frost unless she knew that he was in danger.
“An attack?” the pujerak said, his voice hardening. “From what?”
“She doesn’t say,” I whispered, my eyes tracking around the voliki silently.
A stab to my chest came, followed by the memory of grief. The memory of loss. Was my father dying?
“I will help you pack supplies for the journey, lysi?” Hinna murmured quietly.
Her words made me snap out of the stupor I was in. “I can’t leave.”
“Mokkira,” Essir murmured quietly.
“Addie just gave birth. What if there are other complications? What if another child comes early? I—I have a duty to the horde. I can’t…I can’t…” I tried, feeling something in my soul break. And with it came the tears. “Oh Kakkari,” I whispered.
And I’d promised Kiran that I would never leave the safety of the gates without him or a group of darukkars as protection. I’d seen how shaken and frightened he’d been when I’d encountered the polkunu. I couldn’t do that to him again.
But if I didn’t go…I might never see my father again.
Duty or family?
Family.
Always.
I closed my eyes, my fist curling around the note.
What had I been thinking?
“I can watch over Addie,” Essir murmured. “You told me what we can expect and what to do if complications arise. But it has been a week already and she is stable. The child is healthy.”
I bit my lip. “I could be gone for a week, maybe more. I—I just…I—”
Essir reached out to squeeze my wrist, catching my gaze. “I can do this, mokkira.”
His expression was serious and sober.
“You taught me how to stitch wounds. I know to pack runiri in deeper ones. We have a full stock of medicines and potions that will last us well through the frost. And there are no other females that are close to giving birth for another moon cycle at least. There is time.”
I took in a deep breath before exhaling slowly, meeting his gaze.
“Let me do this, mokkira. I know I can. Go to your father and be with him. Because if anyone can heal him, it will be you,” Essir finished.
With those words, I felt hope rise. I saw that Essir believed that, truly.
What if…what if I can help him? I thought.
I could look after him day and night. If there had been an attack on the saruk, the mokkira and his healers would have their hands full. I could help where needed but my priority would be seeing my father well.
That was enough reason to go.
I knew my decision.
“Kakkira vor,” I murmured quietly, reaching out to take Essir’s hand.
“It will be my honor, mokkira.”
“I’ll run ahead to get you rations from the bikkus,” Hinna said hurriedly.
The pujerak reached out to take my shoulder, stilling me when I tried to reach