trying to control my breathing as best I can. That feels pointless, but I can’t lose it in front of him. I can’t. I’m leaving in a mere few minutes. If I don’t want, I’ll never have to see him again.
That thought makes me want to vomit.
I see his boots when I open my eyes and know he’s standing in front of me. I don’t look up. I can’t.
“Look at me,” he says, his voice scratchy and so god damned deep it makes my chest ache and my stomach twist.
“Please,” I say, to the floor. “Please just leave me alone.”
“Come with me.”
He takes my arm and pulls me, down the hall, past a few bikers who stop and stare at us, and into a vacant room. There he shuts the door, and I have no choice but to look up at him. His eyes scan over my face, the gorgeous hazel with specks of blue making my soul come to life. I’m in love with him. There is simply no other way to put it.
I’m in love with Bohdi.
And he’s married.
With kids.
“Fuck,” he growls low when he sees the pain on my face. “I never wanted to hurt you, Merleigh.”
“But you did,” I say, my voice scratchy. “You lied, and you didn’t tell me the truth. You ... I don’t even know you. I thought I did, but I don’t.”
He says nothing. Typical Bohdi not to speak a great deal. He’s quiet and withdrawn. The way he has always been since I first met him. Yet, I have managed to find ways to connect with him, without so many words. That’s what hurts the most. I felt him. I truly felt him.
“Isla is my wife, but it’s complicated. You have no idea how complicated. I want to explain it to you, I will, but I have a few things to confirm first. She isn’t the person you think.”
“Neither are you,” I whisper.
That looks like it hurts. His face twists, and his expression is as if I’ve just slapped him.
“What we had, what I felt ... that was the truth.”
“It wasn’t, it was a lie. The truth would have been you telling me everything, then it would have meant something.”
“It fuckin’ meant something. If you’ll just give me time ...”
“I don’t have time,” I say softly. “I’m leaving.”
Now he really does look like I’ve slapped him, hell, he looks like I’ve punched him over and over, wounding his very soul. “What?”
“I’m moving a few hours away. I got a little cabin, and a job, hopefully. I can’t be here anymore. It’s time for me to get my life together. Isla showing up was the push I needed.”
“Merleigh, you can’t fuckin’ leave.”
His voice. God, the pain.
“I’m sorry, it’s too late.”
“You don’t understand, I fuckin’ need you.”
God dammit.
I can’t handle this.
I can’t.
My heart twists, and I look away as a tear rolls down my cheek. He reaches for me, but we’re interrupted by Isla’s voice at the door. “Bohdi?”
I swipe the tear away, and I don’t face her. I can’t.
Bohdi looks up at her, and in a harsh tone, he growls. “I’m busy.”
“Sorry, but we need to talk. I can’t stay here forever. I need to take the boys somewhere else.”
Exhaling, Bohdi looks back to me. “Please,” he says, so low only I can hear it. “Please don’t go until I can talk to you.”
Then, he walks out.
I stand in that empty room long enough to get myself together, then I go and say goodbye to everyone at the club. They all promise to be around in the next few days to help me settle in.
Then, I walk out of that clubhouse and get into the car Waverly told me I could use until I could afford my own.
I hit the road, and I don’t look back.
That doesn’t mean that the tears don’t keep rolling down my face.
Or that the pain in my heart doesn’t grow.
It just means that for the first time in my life ... it’s about me.
4
THEN – BOHDI
17 YEARS OLD
“Bohdi!” Mom shrieks from her filthy bed in the room.
I wash the sheets, and she vomits on them again. So, I repeat the process. I try to leave water by her bedside, but she just hauls it against a wall. She lost both her jobs and spends her days in her room, drinking, doing drugs, and passing out. She rarely comes out, and when she does, it’s to eat very little amounts and find another bottle of alcohol.
I tried hiding