running around, getting up for feeds and trying to keep the house a sane place, but with every passing second, I feel like I’m drowning a little more.
“Oh, Sunny, stop!” Isla cries two days after we arrive home.
Sunny is slamming a toy, over and over, making it sing. He loves that toy, but when you’ve had no sleep, and you’re tired, that toy is a fucking nightmare.
“Sunny, buddy, let’s go to the beach.”
“Can’t you take Taj, too?” Isla says, from her spot on the sofa, Taj on her chest.
“He’s a newborn, Isla. I’m not taking him out into the sun and the wind.”
“Put him in the carrier and put a blanket over him. I’m tired, Bohdi. You have no idea.”
Considering I was the one who got up all of last night, while she slept, I’d say that I do have some idea. I’m tired, too, but we made the baby together and we take care of him together. I’m not taking him to the beach on a hot day. I know, from experience with Sunny, that he’ll have a hell of a night if I do that.
“I’m not taking him out into that blistering sun. He’s sleeping, Isla, sleep with him.”
“Every time I close my eyes, he wakes up wanting a feed.”
“Then lay back, let him feed, and both of you rest together. He’s a good baby, he rarely cries. I’m doing my best here, but I can’t do it all. I’ll take Sunny out so you can sleep, but I can’t take both. He’s too little and he’s happy.”
“You’re a horrible husband,” she growls.
I shake my head. I’m not going to argue with her.
“Come on, buddy,” I say, taking Sunny and grabbing his hat before disappearing out the front door.
We enjoy the beach for a few hours until Sunny gets tired, and I bring him home and put him to bed. When I get in, Isla is in the same spot on the sofa, sleeping, and Taj is lying on her chest, head to the side, little eyes open as he stares around. He’s a good baby, he really is.
He only cries if he’s hungry.
I go over and lift him from her arms, bringing his soft little face to my lips and kissing his cheek. “Hey, buddy, you’re a good one, aren’t you?”
He squeaks, and I keep him in my arms as I prepare some lunch.
Isla stays asleep until his next feed.
When she wakes up, she’s angrier than she was before, and insists she needs to go out and get some fresh air.
I let her, because I know how I get if I’m cramped up inside the house too long.
When she doesn’t come back for an entire fucking night, and I have to feed Taj formula, I don’t take it so well.
The screaming match begins as soon as she gets in the door, and by the time it’s done, I’m exhausted.
Utterly fucking exhausted.
It’s going to be a long fucking life.
And I’m done with it already.
I am praying for something to change.
Little do I know, it’s about to.
19
NOW – MERLEIGH
“This isn’t where I asked you to take me,” I say, my voice shaky as the truck driver goes right past my town and keeps driving.
Suddenly, fear cripples me, and I realize I’m in a very dangerous situation.
“It’s okay, I’m just going to pick something up and we’ll turn around.”
“You went right past my house. I need you to stop,” I say, trying to keep it together but feeling like I might just scream.
“Calm down, it’s fine.”
“Please pull over.”
“Lady, it’s fine.”
“Pull over!” I scream.
He lashes out, slamming his fist into the side of my head.
I bounce off the window with a scream and start immediately trying to unbuckle my seatbelt. I’ll jump out of this truck. I will not be someone’s prisoner again.
He reaches for me when he realizes what I’m trying to do and goes to hit me again. I duck this time, having had some experience with learning how to defend myself in a dangerous situation. I lash out and hit him in the ribs, causing him to swerve the truck. He reaches down beside his seat and pulls out a gun, and everything in my world stops.
“You move again, I’ll blow your brains out. I’ve done it before, I’ll do it again. See the blood on the fucking window, that’s the last girl who tried to fight me.”
I glance down and sure enough there is dried blood at the base of the window, right where it goes into