still makes me sick.
I’m not fit to be a father—I couldn’t even be a decent son.
Nobody ever found her body, they still believe she just left me alone and ran off with some man.
Nobody cared enough to look into it further.
How fucking tragic is that?
Is that how my life is going to end? Without a single person even realizing I’m gone?
Isla is having a baby. A child. Something that is going to rely on me, that is going to need me and want me.
Something I have to take care of, and make sure I do right by.
The thought is terrifying, but maybe it’s what we need.
Maybe, just maybe, it’s the answer to our problems.
I stand and walk out of the shack and down to the beach where Isla is sitting in the sand, sobbing. It wasn’t fair, my reaction. I know that, but I struggle sometimes to give her the emotions she wants. I barely feel a fucking thing, let alone show it to someone else.
I sit beside her and reach out, taking her hand. “I’m sorry. I am happy, it was just a shock. But I’m happy, Isla. I want a baby with you.”
The words feel forced, but I say them anyway.
I say them because she needs me to say them.
It has nothing to do with wanting to say them.
God knows, I don’t know what I want anymore.
“Really?” she asks, wiping away her tears.
“Yeah, really.”
“I’m so happy, Bohdi. It has been so long, I thought you’d be as excited as I was.”
“I am.”
She turns and nestles into me. I stiffen, but she doesn’t seem to notice.
I close my eyes and pray for this emptiness to fade so I can feel again.
I can’t live the rest of my life like this.
I can’t.
13
NOW – MERLEIGH
“Congrats on your first day,” my new boss, Vienna, says, giving me a smile and a pat on the back. “You’re going to be a great part of the team.”
I exhale a sigh of relief. I was so nervous to start today, but the staff was lovely and Vienna made sure I had any instructions I needed to get through. I breezed through it and did really well. It was easy, and the people were great. I’m going to like working here, and knowing I’m finally doing something for myself makes me feel incredible.
“Thank you so much for giving me a chance,” I smile.
“Oh, honey, you’re easy to take a chance on. We’ll see you tomorrow then?”
I nod and wave to the other two girls working with me today, Henny and Cassie. They both give me a smile and a wave, and I pack my things and head out of the gorgeous little café that is now my place of work.
I smile all the way home, feeling on top of the world. When I arrive, I see Bohdi standing on my front porch. His face is still a mess, and he looks terrible, but that didn’t stop him from driving the few hours to deliver my first surfing lesson this afternoon. The sun is out, the waves are great, and it’s a gorgeous day on the beach.
“What’s that smile for?” he asks me when I walk up the front steps.
“I had a good first day. I got the job officially.”
“Good for you. You ready to surf?”
“Yep.”
I rush inside and get changed into a full body wetsuit that Bohdi insisted I wear so I don’t get stung anymore. He said it will also protect me from the sun. I laugh at myself as I stare into the mirror. I look terrible in this. My god. Why does anyone wear these things?
“This is the worst,” I say, walking outside. “I look like a walking sausage.”
Bohdi’s mouth twitches. “I think it suits you. Very nice.”
“You’re not being very nice when you lie like that.” I laugh softly. “Anyway, I’m ready.”
“Let’s go then.”
We walk down the track to the beach and Bohdi takes me to a little spot he has set up with two boards. I watch as he undresses and gets down to nothing but a pair of surfer looking shorts that go down to his knees and hug his hips so incredibly well. He’s gorgeous, my god, that skin and the muscles. He’s turning heads. Women walking past stop and stare at him, their smiles huge.
I can’t blame them.
Bohdi has it.
“So where do we start?” I ask, staring at the boards, and the ocean, and wondering how the hell this is going to work.
Bohdi places the boards flat on