Jessie blew through her lips.
“I am! I see things. And where Lance was a hottie, he just wasn’t right for our little Kirk Little here. He was a warmup, before Kirk entered the big leagues.”
Jessie kept one arm wrapped around Kirk and used the other to scoop her drink up so she could get stuck into it. “Is that seriously the point you were making?” Jessie groaned. “Because it was a shit one – really. I thought better of you, Otis.”
Otis smirked as he reached over and took Kirk’s untouched drink. “Dear me, Jessie. You disappoint. I’m only half done. What I was going to continue to say was this. Three months ago, Lance was the best that Kirk could have hoped for. Even his being a meathead with less brain power than a Golden Retriever had him leagues above Kirk. But that was months ago. Kirk, you may have noticed, is a new man. He’s a ‘slapping his ex in the face, getting into arguments with Russian mob bosses,’ type of guy now. Seriously, he’s a stone-cold hottie and Lance is, sorry for saying this, beneath him. There.” And as if this proved the point emphatically, Otis finished off Kirk’s drink, crossed his arms and leaned back on the couch.
Kirk remained silent through this dialog, and it had been this way for much of the past week. When Otis came to visit, he would spend the time telling Kirk that he was too good for Lance and that soon he would find someone better. And then when Jessie visited, she spent her time telling Kirk that things would get better and the hurt would stop soon. And when they both visited, they argued in the way they were now, as if competing for the right to comment on Kirk’s love life.
And through all of this, Kirk remained silent. He would groan and sigh and nod every now and then so they knew he was alive. But he rarely got involved in the actual conversation. He never saw the point.
If he were to get involved, he would have told Otis that he was incorrect. Plain and simple. Lance wasn’t a meathead. Lance wasn’t some moron that was all muscle and no brain. Really, Lance was a lot smarter than everyone gave him credit for. He was also kind, and caring, and gentle too.
Kirk remained wrapped in Jessie’s arms, waiting for his best friend to argue Otis’ point. She would come in, tell Otis that none of that mattered, that Kirk was well within his rights to hurt, and that finding a new, hotter guy was the last thing he should be thinking of.
“Actually...” Jessie started slowly as she sipped on her drink, and then finished it in a last, final gulp. “I never thought I’d say this... but you might be right.”
“Hallelujah!” Otis cried out. “She gets it! She finally gets it!”
“I’m not saying that you’re totally right,” Jessie hurried. “Kirky still needs to mourn. But after that... yes. After that, we’re going to go and find Kirk the hottest, sexiest man alive... with a brain to boot! They can fuck and discuss Roman political discourse at the same time. Hot fucking stuff.” The two then clinked their glasses together, as if the matter was finally settled.
“You’re wrong...” Kirk muttered into his chest. He just couldn’t take it anymore.
“Whoa!” Otis retreated down the couch in exaggeration. “It speaks!”
“You’re both wrong,” Kirk said again, a little louder this time. He sat himself up and leaned his elbows onto his knees. “Lance isn’t a meathead. He’s not some dumb jock that cares more about his muscles than anything else. He’s... he’s kind, and caring, and... and... smart.”
“And a thief,” Otis pointed out rightly.
“And a dick,” Jessie added.
“No.” Kirk shook his head emphatically. “He’s not. He means well. He just... he just...” Kirk couldn’t finish. Rather, he fell back into the couch again, and did his best to sink right into it.
Otis pondered this thoughtfully for a moment. He then shot a finger into the air, ready to make a new point. “All right, I’ll give you all of that. But even still, that doesn’t change what I said. You’re a new man Kirk, and you can have anyone – literally anyone you like. And the moment that you don’t smell like pig feces, while somehow managing to look even worse than that, I’m taking you out to prove the fact.”
Jessie rubbed Kirk’s knee but nodded her agreement.
Kirk sighed. “I don’t want anyone