was being challenged left and right.
Matt had been right. It was going to take time for Adam to get over his fears completely. Until he saw Matt happy, until they went through some of the hardships they would go through, he couldn’t truly believe it would all work out. But Matt had already started to make progress toward proving that Adam’s fears could be assuaged with the job, the apartment, the proposal, and everything else.
The whole way home from the restaurant the night Matt had proposed, Adam had toyed with letting Matt bite him and form the pair bond. He’d wanted to. If there was anyone he’d ever pair with, it would be Matt.
But when they were making love, despite wanting to, Adam couldn’t bring himself to pull his hair aside and tell Matt to do it.
He’d spent the month while they got ready for the wedding trying to find a way to get past this big hurdle. It was hurting Matt; Adam couldn’t miss it. It wasn’t every time, but often when they made love, he could see Matt wasn’t happy about something, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what.
He’d accepted Matt wanted to be together—at least for now. He couldn’t argue that Matt wasn’t excited for the baby. They’d decided to stay with Adam’s parents for the time being and save the difference in money they’d have spent on a separate apartment. Matt kept wanting to go shopping for baby things—clothes, furniture, even toys, though Adam kept reminding him that the baby couldn’t play with anything for at least a few months after it was born. So, almost every night, they sat together on Amazon, Target, and other sites, looking at things and rather excitedly assembling a registry.
The only slight hang-up in the wedding planning was when Adam went shopping for his wedding suit. He just didn’t want to wear the only other one he had to his wedding. So he’d grabbed Ethan and dragged him out to go shopping.
And promptly got depressed when he realized he already had a small baby bump. He didn’t mind that he was showing, except it meant he had to buy a bigger size than he wanted to. It wasn’t until Ethan pointed out that Adam’s mom could probably alter the suit after the baby was born and Adam lost weight that he felt a little better.
Then while they were shopping, Ethan prodded at Adam’s sore spot. “When are you going to let him bite you?”
Adam didn’t reply right away. He frowned in the mirror at the charcoal suit jacket, trying to figure out how to answer. The sales clerk had insisted the classic fit would work best, even if he started showing a little more before the wedding. Adam had to agree. He couldn’t see his belly yet under the jacket, which he was glad of because he wasn’t sure he wanted it visible at the wedding.
“I don’t know,” he finally answered.
“Dude. You’re getting married. Why—?”
“The worst that could happen if something happens from marriage is divorce. And divorce doesn’t mean I’m sexless for the rest of my life like losing a paired alpha would,” Adam murmured. “I like this one.”
“I’ll grant you that,” Ethan said, nodding and taking the suit jacket from Adam. “But… let me ask you this. Are you planning to spend your whole life waiting for something to go wrong?”
Adam met Ethan’s eyes in the mirror, and his frown deepened. “That’s… I don’t even know where to begin to answer that.”
“You are afraid Matt’s going to feel trapped, right?”
Adam didn’t bother answering, because he and Ethan had been over this more times than either could count over the last few months. Instead, he focused on taking off the suit pants and handing them over before grabbing his jeans—the loosest pair he owned.
“So, if you hold yourself back from pairing, aren’t you really doing that? Just waiting for Matt to change his mind?”
With a sigh, Adam sat on the bench to put his shoes back on. “I guess. I didn’t think of it in that way, but I suppose that’s true.”
Ethan hung the suit back on the hanger, then opened the stall door. “Because it is true. Let’s look at shirts.”
Adam focused for a while on deciding which one to go with, but ended up with a basic white one. He didn’t know for sure what Matt would choose, but he had a feeling it would be a simple white, and he wanted them to