piece of beef.
Adam laughed. “Cast-iron stomach. No idea where I got it, except maybe Mom’s nursing.”
“You’re lucky.” Matt wrinkled his nose as he glanced at the TV screen, then went back to his food.
They were quiet while they focused on eating, the squeak of the Styrofoam the only thing to really break the silence. Despite the mental mess Adam was often in, they could and did spend many meals in companionable silence. It should be awkward with Adam’s struggle to hide his feelings, but it never seemed to be. He wondered if maybe that was the best friend part of them. Adam forced his brain away from it and focused on his food. As he was finishing his chicken and about to start on his rice, his phone buzzed. He picked it up, frowning at it as he opened his email. “Shit. I forgot to pay the lab fees for next semester.” He glanced up at Matt. “When do classes start?”
Matt pulled out his phone and hit the screen a few times. “Four weeks. About a week after your next heat.”
“Oh good. Gives me a chance to get through a couple of weeks of classes before I have to take off.” Adam shook his head, hitting a few buttons to forward the email to his dad, adding a note at the top about repaying the money later when he had a few more lawns done. He tossed his phone aside. “I’m not sure I’m ready for college.”
“A little late for that, isn’t it?” Matt asked, raising an eyebrow.
Adam snorted. “And you’re more ready?”
“I didn’t say that,” Matt said, picking up a piece of broccoli.
“I’m just tired of school already. Four more years.” Adam made a face.
Matt frowned. “If nothing happens.”
“Yeah. Hopefully I won’t get dropped for missing class. They’re supposed to be accommodating to omegas but….”
“But what they say and what they do, yeah.” Matt reached out and brushed Adam’s long hair out of his face.
Adam tried not to be bothered by the gesture. Matt meant it as just a friendly comfort thing, Adam knew that, but that didn’t stop it from hurting. He wanted it to be so much more than just friendship, and he was annoyed that those emotions were cropping up. Usually he managed to push them aside outside of his heat, but he’d been struggling a lot since his heat ended a week ago. Even while he’d been working or playing his games—two things that normally could thoroughly distract him—he hadn’t been able to get it off his mind.
Frustration filled Adam. What did he have to do to get rid of it? To get over it?
Even his memories and dreams had been more about Matt than anything else lately. He’d found himself remembering the first time Matt gave him a blowjob. Adam had awakened with one of the most painful hard-ons he’d ever had after dreaming of the memory. He’d ended up having to jack off—to more memories of Matt—afterward, which only succeeded in frustrating him. That, though, he could chalk up to residual horniness after his heat.
But the memories of them as kids, playing in the park or at the beach during summer vacation, couldn’t so easily be written off. The dreams of having kids with Matt didn’t have anything to do with sexual frustration. Giving birth was most certainly not sexy. There was no reason for him to get lost in daydreams about family life with Matt, their three kids, a dog, and a fucking picket fence, for fuck’s sake.
Not that he necessarily wanted a picket fence, but that was hardly the issue. He did want a family, though he had no idea how he’d go about it. He didn’t want one without Matt, and he wasn’t about to trap Matt into one.
The mental circles were driving him nuts. He forced himself to bury the thoughts in the back of his mind. Wanting Matt wasn’t going to change, and if he didn’t find a way to put those frustrating wants aside and focus on their friendship, he was going to end up a candidate for a straitjacket at Western Psych. Or losing his friend when he did something stupid.
With effort, he turned back to his food. “So, how about we switch to a movie after this?”
“Don’t want to ruin your red food?” Matt asked, and Adam was grateful for his efforts. He had no doubt whatsoever that Matt sensed his mood and was trying to make things better. Adam wasn’t going to call him