sudden burn in the pit of my stomach takes me off guard. It’s a dangerous thing, hope. It’s exactly what I don’t need to be doing, imagining that maybe one day Zack will wake up and realize what I’ve always known. That we’re perfect for each other. It’s a fantasy. A dangerous one.
“I probably shouldn’t have said anything that day but I wanted you to understand. People always assume that I’m in love with Gabe.”
“Does Zack think that, too?”
“Yeah.”
She sighs. “This is a mess. Well, for what it’s worth, I think you would be really good for him. He’s always taking care of everyone else and I think he could use someone looking out for him.”
I agree completely but the thing is, Zack doesn’t want anyone to look out for him. He’s built himself an island and while he might allow me to visit, he’s never given any indication that he wants me to stay.
†
After that, Sasha and I finish our dinner in relative peace. She’s making the effort to keep up the conversation but my mind is only half on what she’s saying. The other half is on what Zack is doing up in his room. Probably playing his guitar. He does that when he’s stressed. After crying all over him, I can only guess he’s making himself scarce. He’s surely had his fill of female drama for the day.
Sasha goes back upstairs to check on Gabe and I decide to go straight home, making the decision not to visit my mother today. Spending time with her is a battle of wits even on a good day and I don’t have the fortitude right now. When I park in the drive in front of Isabelle’s house, I’m suddenly very tired.
The house is a pretty, three story Victorian right in the heart of West Haven. Izzie inherited this house from her grandparents late last year. It has an old-world elegance that’s completely different from Izzie’s brazen, punk style but somehow it fits her.
We’ve been friends a long time but I have to admit I was hesitant when she asked me to move in. You never really know someone until you’ve lived together and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to test our friendship that way. Especially since I like things tidy and Izzie has a tendency to be a walking disaster. Her room growing up always looked like a tornado had just come through.
But so far, we’ve meshed perfectly. Luckily her messiness is mainly confined to her room. She’s not a morning person but I’ve learned that as long as I don’t wake her up before ten on the weekends, we can make it work. I get a place to stay for next to nothing and Izzie says she feels better not rattling around this big place all alone.
Anything is better than living with my parents.
When I open the door, Isabelle looks up from her perch on the couch. She’s already changed into her favorite leggings and a long T-shirt so I know she’s in for the night. Her dirty blonde hair hangs over her shoulders in two long pigtails.
“Hey, I tried to call you. I ordered Chinese. The leftovers are in the fridge.”
“It’s okay. I ate at Gabe’s house.” I drop my handbag next to the door. She moves over so I can plop down on the couch next to her.
“I figured. How is he doing?”
“About the same. He’s sleeping a lot.”
Sadness washes over me again remembering how he looked. I'm not used to seeing him like that. Pale, tired and grumpy. It's so hard to see him hurt and vulnerable. Worse, I miss him. Not in the romantic way that everyone else assumes but as my friend.
Although crying all over Zack certainly doesn’t help the perception that I’m jealous.
“Maybe going over there so much isn’t a good thing.” Izzie says it slowly, drawing out the words. She shrugs when I look over at her. “I’m just saying.”
I can’t even be angry with her. She doesn’t know the real reason I spend so much time at Gabe’s house is so I can see his brother.
“I’m starting to think you’re right. I need to get back to work. Mr. Hartwell, you remember the owner of the gallery, wants to see my next photo series as soon as it’s done.”
“That’s great! You’re really doing it, Jo. Making a living with your photography. This is awesome.”
“I don’t know if I’d call it making a living. But I’m so excited to have the