I came over here.”
“I know.”
“And I would never take advantage of you.”
“I know. Why would you think you’re taking advantage? I want you. You want me.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I pull back a bit so I can see his face. What I see makes my heart sink. He looks cornered.
“At least I thought you wanted me.”
I shift back slightly so I’m not rubbing right up against the hard length in his jeans. “I can feel that you want me.”
“There’s more to this than just the heat of the moment.”
Now that pisses me off. He can’t deny that he wants me physically but to act like what just happened is a purely chemical thing is a slap in the face.
“So I could have been any willing woman and you would have reacted the same way. Good to know.”
He sighs. “That’s not what I meant. I just think a lot of things have happened lately. Anyone would be confused. I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
“I’m not the one who’s confused. The past few weeks have been a revelation for me. I don’t want to waste any more time. I’m going after the things I want. The things that make me happy. This isn’t a new thing for me, Zack. Feeling this way. And I don’t think it is for you either. You’ve never thought of me like this before today?”
“Of course. You’re beautiful, Josie.”
“Don’t give me that.” Frustration makes my voice sharper than I intend. “The ‘you’re beautiful’ thing. That’s what you say to your little cousin when she’s dressed up for prom. Tell me you’ve never thought of me like this.”
I point to the picture on the floor between us.
“Fuck.” The word seems to escape before he can stop it. “Of course I have. Look at you.” His eyes roam over me from the gap in my shirt to my long hair which I know has to look pretty wild after he’s had his hands in it.
“Yes, Zack. Look at me.”
I place my hands on his cheeks and rest my forehead against his. We sit like that breathing the same air for a minute before I kiss him again. He doesn’t move but our lips cling like they don’t want to separate any more than I do. He’s so rigid beneath me, like he’s afraid to make any moves or I’ll break.
Finally he meets my eyes. “I’m trying to do the right thing here, Jo.”
I push away and climb off his lap. My fingers fumble the buttons as I attempt to cover my cleavage. His eyes follow the movement. Even while he’s claiming to want to protect me, he can’t keep his eyes off my breasts.
“This is a lot to take in. I don’t want us to do something we’ll regret. You’d hate me, Jo and I couldn’t take that. You can have any guy that you want.”
“Don’t do that. I can take almost anything from you but sympathy.”
It’s a pain unlike anything I’ve ever felt to watch him try to backpedal his way out of this. My worst nightmare has come true. I told Zack how I feel and he doesn’t want me.
“It’s not like that, Josie–“
“Just go home, Zack. If you value our friendship at all, just leave me alone.”
†
I watch silently as Zack yanks his shirt over his head and then walks away. When the front door slams behind him a wave of emotion passes through me that’s so potent I almost can’t breathe.
Tears aren’t my usual response to confrontation so I’m ashamed at the tears that spill down my cheeks. If it was anyone else I would be on my feet and spouting curse words.
But this is Zack.
To hear such ugly accusations coming from him tore me up inside. Maybe that’s what hurts the most, that one of my closest friends could have such a low opinion of me. He really thinks that everything I’m doing is part of some diabolical plan to get Gabe’s attention. How could he really think that I’d try to break up his brother’s relationship? Not only because it’s untrue but because it’s so unlike me. He knows me and that I’d never do something like that.
At least I thought he did.
I’m not sure how long I’m sitting there before the door opens again. I sit up, ready to do battle when Isabelle turns the corner. She looks at me on the couch and then glances around the room.
“Where is he?”
“Who?” I get up and walk into the kitchen.