we not eat in silence?”
I had a comeback ready immediately, but I kept it to myself, nodding as I ate, though I did spare glances at him every now and then. Abner had turned his attention to the food, though he hardly touched any of it. His appetite was not large, or perhaps it was due to the fact he was a god and did not need to refill his body with food as often or as much as I did. I watched him, using the time to study him and his mannerisms.
Rude and cold, off-putting most definitely, but he did not radiate an air of evilness that I would associate with someone who killed their old brides. But maybe that was his power, his trick. It was possible his old brides had never seen it coming, and I would do my damnedest to not be kept blind or in the dark.
Just because he had a handsome face did not mean I would allow myself to be blind to the truth of the matter.
Time passed slowly. Instead of me eating by myself in my room, every single meal was shared with Abner instead, the messenger always appearing at my room to take me to him. I tried to get Abner to speak, to get to know the man I would soon be wed to, but it was like he was as tight-lipped as ever, refusing to divulge anything to me.
Frankly, it was annoying.
The one thing Abner did tell me was that we would be wed tomorrow, and the bastard waited until dinnertime to tell me. That had sent my insides scurrying and caused my heart to beat rapidly in my chest, and I hardly touched my food after that.
Married tomorrow. There would be no going back. This would forever be my life, and I didn’t know what to make of it, what to do or what to think. I only hoped Ember would live her life to the fullest out there, to chase her own happiness with Sorsha if that’s what she wanted to do.
Though of course I wanted to be selfish, I knew if Ember was happy with her life, it was all worth it.
I returned to my room to take a bath, hoping to ease my racing thoughts and calm myself down somewhat. I would be a married woman in the morning. I did not know why, but the thought gave me pause, like it was too close, suddenly. Too real.
I took my time in slipping out of my dress and undergarments, sinking into the warm water and letting out a sigh. My eyes stared at the ceiling, at the white stone above me, my thoughts no longer on the wedding but what would come after.
We would consummate our marriage, obviously. I did wonder what it would be like, how it would feel, since I’d literally be sleeping with Winter. Would I hate it? Would it be the most uncomfortable thing ever? I knew what it felt like, of course, so I knew in the general aspect what to expect, but when a god was in the picture, I guess you never knew.
Do not ask me why, but as I thought of sex with Abner, my mind somehow found itself thinking about Ishan and what it would feel like with him.
He was Summer. He was warm, fire and heat all rolled into a dark-skinned, gorgeous man. And that kiss… if that kiss told me anything, sex with Ishan would make my body sweat like no other activity could.
I should not be thinking of either man like that right now, but no one was around or in my head to tell me to stop thinking such impure thoughts. No religious zealot around to tell me that I should be a good girl, a chaste girl, and keep myself pure until marriage, until my wedding night.
It really was ridiculous, when you thought about it, how much pressure everyone put on girls to remain virgins when in reality it didn’t matter. No one knew I wasn’t a virgin, and life went on as it had before, though my thoughts did wander more—wondering if that was all there was to it, if I’d ever have it again, and if it would feel better or the same.
Holding my breath, I dipped low in the tub, dunking my head beneath the water. When I surfaced, I sat back, running my fingers through my wet hair, my mind and body confused, almost at odds with