pull away and take the bliss with him. His mouth was so much softer than it looked, the way he kissed hungry and the very opposite of reserved. Ishan was wild and free, and I realized he was always what I’d tried to be myself.
He was a god. He was my god.
I’d never felt so sure about something, never felt so certain about anything in my entire life. But Ishan? I felt it deep within my bones, knew it in my soul and felt it in my core: he was mine. He was mine in every possible way.
If only I’d realized it sooner, if only he’d made himself known to me before, before I volunteered to take Ember’s place.
Because, as much as he was mine, as much as I wanted to be his, I could never take back my decision. I was not that kind of girl, not fickle in my decisions. I’d made this bed for myself, and now I had to lie in it, figuratively.
I could lose myself in his mouth, in the way his hand gripped my hair and held me in place, as if he was trying to wordlessly convince me with all of his power that I should marry him and not his brother. If things were different, I would gladly let him pull me along for whatever ride he wanted, but things weren’t different. I was here to marry Winter, not Summer.
By the time our lips parted, I could scarcely breathe. I gazed into Ishan’s amber eyes, their depths so warm and inviting, and I told him in a bare whisper, “I can’t.”
Ishan looked pained, so very pained, like I’d struck an arrow straight through his heart—if gods even had hearts. I wasn’t sure. The look he gave me right then made me feel horrible, like I was the worst person alive, denying him the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world.
Me.
He dropped the hand out of my hair, pulled his other arm away from my back, slowly standing off the bed. Summer was supposed to be lively and happy, and yet, here and now, he looked absolutely wounded.
I opened my mouth, about to tell him I was sorry, but before I could, he was gone, out of sight, leaving me alone in this strange bedroom. Out of sight, but definitely not out of my mind. I had the feeling the god of Summer would remain in my mind for far too long.
Glancing around the room, I wondered if he was still here, or if he really was gone. I didn’t feel his warmth anymore, even if my body was still burning, part of me still aching for more, to feel his hands slip my dress off, to have that warm mouth kissing every inch of my body. Thoughts no pure girl would have, but I supposed that hadn’t been me for a while now.
No, Ishan was gone, and as I felt the ghost of his lips on mine, I couldn’t help but wonder how much more he would take. How many more denials I had to say, even though it pained us both.
Would he give up? Would he let Winter have me, or would I start an eternal war by having two brothers fighting over me?
This was my life, not a fairytale, I reminded myself. Ishan would tire of this and find a different girl to give his favor and his affections to while I lived in this castle for the next twenty-five years, pretty much as alone as I could possibly be.
Outside, the grey sky gave way to a dark night. A knock on my door told me someone was here, but by the time I made it to the door, by the time I opened it, expecting to see someone else, no one was there—not a single thing, save for the tray of dinner laying on the floor.
I poked my head out of the room, gazing both ways down the hall. I saw no one. It was like a ghost had knocked and left me this food. Hesitant to take it, I knew I had no choice. I was starved for a meal that wasn’t rabbit or deer. The messenger had done his best with what he had, feeding me as best as he could during the journey here, but there was something to be said about food that had spices and salt.
Flavor, basically. Food that had flavor and wasn’t just meat roasted over an open fire.
Heaving