into my anger.
He hadn't given me a chance to explain. It was something I probably would have done if I was hurting, too. I know what I would have expected. I would have expected him to leave me alone after I told him to leave, but I wouldn't have wanted it. Not deep down.
I would want him to fight for me.
And he had. I'd run from him every step of the way and now he thought I was running again.
I had to prove that I wouldn't run.
I stared at Colette. "I'm sorry, Colette. I won't be able to stay for lunch."
She smiled at me. "That's okay, sweetie. I'll see you next week."
On impulse, I threw my arms around her. "You know I love you, right?"
She hugged me back tightly, the way I'd always yearned for my mother to do when I was a child. "I've always known. I love you, too."
I kissed her cheek and I was on my feet and out the door before I could take a moment to second-guess myself.
No second-guessing. That's how I'd screwed up so badly in the first place. It was time to listen to my heart and my heart wanted Ben Murphy.
23
I went to Ben's house, hoping that he would be there.
The tension in my body dissipated just a little when I got far enough down his driveway to see his truck parked inside the garage, the door still up. He was always forgetting to shut it, but I was glad for that bad habit this time because now I knew he was home.
I parked the car behind his truck so he couldn't leave without backing over it. Colette told me that Ben was a lot like me and my first instinct when I was hurt was to run away. The second was to get angry.
I took a deep breath and steeled myself. I had to face Ben's anger and he was entitled to feel that way. I hadn't handled our relationship well at all and even when I decided to stop running, I still screwed up. I couldn't fault him for how he felt.
But I could try to get him to understand before he withdrew from me completely.
My hands were damp as I got out of the car and walked around the house to the front door. Now that I was outside, I could hear the steady thump of bass coming from the house. Ben was listening to music and it was loud.
Though I doubted he would hear the doorbell, I rang it anyway. I waited. And waited. Then, I pounded on the door as hard as I could.
Still nothing.
Okay, so he couldn't hear me. I took a deep breath and tried the doorknob, but it was locked.
Shit. Maybe I should give him some time to cool off.
No, I needed to be honest with him. If he still needed time to think after, well, I would go back to Cam's and cry until I didn't have any tears left.
The garage was open. Maybe he'd forgotten to lock that door.
I walked back around the house and through the garage. This time, luck was with me and the door was unlocked.
I hesitated before I entered. I was invading his home, right? He didn't know I was here and I was coming inside without an invitation.
I almost backed out then, planning to go back to my car and call him later, but I couldn't. If I waited, he might never give me another chance.
I opened the door and walked inside, shutting and locking it behind me. It would suck to get interrupted if things went better than I hoped.
"Ben!" I called. The music continued thumping, the song winding down. As the final few beats sounded, I yelled as loud as I could, "BEN!"
I halted in the living room as the music suddenly cut off. Ben appeared in the hallway, wearing nothing but a pair of athletic shorts, sneakers, and sweat. I handled my feelings by eating junk food and it seemed that Ben handled his by sweating them out.
He stopped at the mouth of the hallway, the entire living room between us. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm sorry about not calling you. Would you please let me explain what happened?"
He put his hands on his hips. "What's there to explain? You were too scared to face me. Too scared of your own feelings. I thought I could get through to you, but it's clear I was wrong."
I frowned at him. "That's not what happened at