me. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe I should stay in Dallas.
A tiny voice inside me, one I hadn't heard before, whispered No.
Great, now I was hearing voices. I was losing what few marbles I had.
Love doesn't give up.
I almost ignored the voice but I realized it was familiar. They were words I'd heard before, a long, long time ago. It had been early in my friendship with Cam and she'd had her heart broken for the first time.
I'd gone home with her when she went to see her family and Colette had sat her down in the kitchen with a cup of tea and a plate of cookies and they talked.
I closed my eyes and I could hear Colette's voice in my head.
Love doesn't give up. It offers and it accepts. You can offer your heart to someone. You can offer them your love. But if they don't accept it, if they can't return the feeling, then it's your turn to accept. If you truly love someone, you can accept their emotions and their thoughts, even when you don't agree. Or even when they hurt you. It's not easy, but it's necessary. If you try to force someone to feel the way you do, it never works out well. I wish I could protect you from the pain and the rejection, but they help you recognize the real thing when you find it.
I'd asked her what she meant by "the real thing" and she'd laughed, saying it was something she couldn't explain because every person had to find it and it would be different for each person.
It was one of the first times Colette had stepped into the role of surrogate mother and I'd been uncomfortable, unsure what to say or do, but also desperate for her words and her affection.
She'd seen it and understood.
True to her words to Cam, she'd then offered me the same love she gave to her family. It had taken a while, but I eventually accepted it.
As I looked back on the memory, I realized that I hadn't done what she'd said. I hadn't offered love to Ben and I hadn't accepted his when he held out his hand to me.
Even though I wanted to. Even though I was desperate for it.
Ben Murphy was my real thing and I wanted it. He might have changed his mind. But he might not.
He hadn't said he didn't want to see me again. He said that we both needed a little time to think.
He was offering me what he thought I wanted.
The realization hammered into my brain. He'd spent just as much time at Colette and Malcolm's house as I had. I wouldn't have been surprised at all if Colette had given him a similar speech about love.
I drew in a trembling breath. I'd let my own fear and insecurity blind me to what was really happening.
I'd decided Ben was disconnecting only in my own mind.
I scrubbed my face with my hands and my fingers came away wet. Okay, now I was crying and I didn't even know it. That wasn't good. Not at all.
If I hadn't realized it already, I would have at that moment.
Ben was my "real thing" and I wasn't going to give him up without a fight.
Galvanized by the thought, I grabbed my coffee and headed to my desk. I needed to start a list of things I wanted to pack and take with me and what I was willing to sell. Once Trudy knew what to do, she would be able to handle everything. From our years working together, I knew I could trust her to get it done without my supervision.
21
I should have known it wasn't going to be that simple because nothing in my life ever is.
My run-in with Brian had spurred me on. Within a couple of hours, I'd finished my to-do list for Trudy and I was in my car, heading back to Farley. I needed to talk to Ben, needed to explain everything as soon as possible.
I called Trudy from the road and told her the code to get into my apartment and where I'd left the spare key for her. I told her about the list I'd left for her on my desk and asked her to have everything packed up for me and to send me a list of storage facilities near Farley.
I was already on the road when Cam called in tears.
When she told me what happened, I couldn't believe it. Brody had broken