despite the amount of money involved. I was still struggling with it myself. Despite going through the exams and preparations, every once in a while, I had the urge to burst out of my bedroom and flee.
I was especially vulnerable to this during the period of mourning for Dr. Davenport’s father. Although he hadn’t come to me to discuss it, he obviously had approved of Samantha’s idea to keep me well out of the public eye. She visited with me whenever she could and rattled on and on about the services, things people had said, and especially Elizabeth Davenport’s condition. Perhaps not so amazingly, I had not seen her since that first day. The few times all week that Samantha thought it was safe for me to wander about the house, Elizabeth was bedridden.
Toward the middle of the following week, Dr. Davenport came to see me to tell me that Parker was taking me and Samantha to see Dr. Bliskin early in the morning, well before his regular office hours.
“He’ll do a final exam, and if all is how we expect it to be, we’ll make the transfer hopefully over the weekend.”
He didn’t come out and say it directly, but I knew that meant the creation of the embryo or embryos had been achieved. More than likely, Dr. Bliskin had shown him his potential child through a microscope. Now that it was about to happen, I felt myself tremble.
“Get a good night’s rest,” he said, smiling. “All is going well.”
He went off to tell Samantha. I couldn’t shake off the vision of him doing so and her reacting like a woman who had just been told she was about to be pregnant. I anticipated her coming to see me immediately afterward.
“Harrison told me what he just told you,” she said after I had said, “Come in.” She looked almost on fire with excitement, unable to stand still. “The moment I met you, I knew this would go smoothly and as quickly as possible. I know you will be happy to get it all started. Of course, you want to return to your career as soon as you can. Someday, Harrison and I, and even our child when he or she is older, will come see you perform.” She stopped pacing and looked at me. “You’re happy about it, right? I mean, happy we’re moving so quickly?”
She looked like she would faint if I said otherwise.
I nodded.
“Okay, okay,” she said, pacing again. “Get a good night’s rest. I’ll be right by your side.” She stood there smiling at me, but looking beyond me, I thought. “This house so desperately needs a child, a future.”
She hugged me quickly and left. Despite both her and Dr. Davenport’s wish for me to get a good night’s rest, I barely slept. It was truly like angels and demons were debating inside me, only I couldn’t decide who was arguing what. Was it really an angel advising me to go home, to accept a different life from what I dreamed of having?
Samantha was there minutes after I had risen. It was as if she thought she had to be at my side from the moment I opened my eyes this morning. Perhaps she sensed the turmoil going on within me. When I looked at her at breakfast and in the limousine, I saw how nervous she was, how frightened, and how much she dreaded hearing the words I’m sorry. I can’t do this.
But I didn’t turn back. Dr. Bliskin put me at such ease with his concern and with the way he looked at me, making me feel as if this was indeed going to be my child. I couldn’t imagine him treating any woman with more loving care. When we looked at each other, we seemed to share a secret beyond what Samantha and Dr. Davenport knew. I guess the simplest way to think of it was he sincerely wanted to safely deliver the baby I would carry, as much for me as for them. Perhaps I was just looking for another rationalization, but when he declared days later that it was time, I didn’t turn and run as I had seen myself doing almost every day I was at Wyndemere.
On the day of the transfer, like any father who wanted to be present when his wife went to the delivery room, Dr. Davenport accompanied Dr. Bliskin. At first, neither of them would permit Samantha to be present, but she literally shed tears, and they