a strange land, someone truly alone, and technically, I hadn’t yet left England. I wondered if I had made a mistake being so secretive after all.
I tried desperately to hide how much of a novice I was when it came to traveling. If I didn’t build up my self-confidence before I left, what would I be like when I arrived in a city with a far larger population mainly quite different not only from me, but many from each other? More often than not, I had been told, New York was a city of strangers rushing by and around one another. I would see someone lying on the sidewalk, maybe on a piece of cardboard with a sign advertising how desperate he or she was, and I would witness how easily people walked by as if no one was there.
“In New York, people are quite invisible,” Mr. Wollard had warned me. “It’s the way of big cities. They make people afraid and therefore indifferent simply to avoid trouble. Don’t expect to make new friends quickly.”
Mr. Wollard was the only one in whom I had confided about my final decision to go. He did continually inquire about whether my parents were aware. I didn’t want to lie to him. Instead, I admitted, “No, but they’re suspicious. I will give my mother and sister all my details before I leave and then tell my father as well.”
Mr. Wollard still looked concerned. “I don’t know if that’s wise, Emma.”
“I’m eighteen, Mr. Wollard. I don’t need to get permission, and I’m using only my own money. I have to try, and they’ll only try to stop me.”
“True, you’re an adult, Emma. I’m hoping something good will come of it. I’ve told many of my students who were in my musicals the same thing when they asked if they should continue pursuing a career in show business. If you have to ask, the answer is no. You were one of the few who didn’t ask that. Instead, you asked what do you do next. You knew what you wanted, and that reveals persistence, determination, and courage. Besides, you’re a talented young lady. If the Americans aren’t total nincompoops, they’ll realize it fast.”
He shrugged. “You can always come back and try here or go to a school with a performing arts program like our own University of Surrey. I just think you’re head and shoulders above their best graduates already. You not only have the beautiful voice, great range, but you have the personality that brings smiles when you sing, and you have the poise.” Then he confessed, “I wish I would have had the courage when I was your age.”
He had told me about the theater actors’ publication Playbill, in which open auditions were advertised. He explained that it was difficult getting an agent right from the start, but if I was fortunate enough to land a part, an agent would most likely follow. He said he had never taken the first step and looked melancholy for a moment.
Everyone has a secret ambition. Some are planted in a garden to grow, and some are smothered, I thought. But as I walked toward the boarding gate, I heard his words again and wondered if my father wasn’t right when he said Mr. Wollard should be careful “blowing up a young girl’s image of herself.”
Was Mr. Wollard living his dream vicariously through me? It made me shudder to think so.
My father was right about so much, I thought, but I wouldn’t let him be right about this.
My second moment of hesitation came when they announced the boarding of my flight. I stood there for a few moments staring at the attendant, a young woman who looked not much older than I was. She smiled and lifted her shoulders, asking with her expression, Are you going or not?
My upper body surged forward in my impulsive lunge, forcing my legs to catch up.
She laughed and checked my ticket. “Have a great flight,” she said. As I started toward the gangway, she asked, “First time?”
“Yes,” I said. “How did you know?”
“I looked the same way on my first,” she said. “Good luck in New York.”
“Thank you.”
I felt my whole body relax. Maybe, just maybe, the world out there wasn’t as cold and as indifferent as I had been told. I had the same feeling reinforced after spending the journey next to a woman who wasn’t much more than in her mid-thirties. She was posh, with her designer clothes, beautiful watch,