explain. “I can’t help you there.”
He scoffs. “What if I were to remove the distractions?”
“The women?”
Zein smiles at my lips, reminding me of Duke for a split second until he draws my jaw toward him. “I want you closer to me when we return to my castle. Down the hall perhaps, or even in an adjacent bedroom. But not in the seraglio.”
“What?”
“It’s clear that I am the reason for your change in blood quality. I’m not so dull, nor humble really, to consider any other possibility,” he boasts, eyeing me. “I meant what I said. When we return, I will have you moved to my sector. The servants will turn a blind eye, I assure you.”
My heart pummels through my ribs as I try to process his reasoning. I wade through happiness, confusion, and uncertainty in mere seconds. I think about Savvy and Gemini. About the demi-vampire. About what this means.
“But… but you can’t do that. It’s too risky.” I shake my head.
He waves my statement away. “Let me determine the risk. Take it as a token of proof that you are not just a slave to me.”
He lowers his head slightly, his eyes and ceremonial earrings catching the light brilliantly.
“I don’t know,” I admit.
Is that what I want? Or is it only a mere shadow of my desires?
The proximity between us has somehow widened into a girth I haven’t felt since the first night I arrived at his castle. I stand teetering on an edge of curiosity, between that of an endless satiating itch yearning to be scratched and that of miserable and painful reality.
Do I want to be closer to Zein? Or so far away that I no longer have to think about him, or any other vampire?
As tears well from the constant and endless frustration, Zein’s sudden embrace breaks their dam. His arms tighten, one hand holding the back of my head—pressing me into his rigid chest—the other securing my hips to his body. Silence continues between us, but it is a reassuring kind. I let the tears fall, one, maybe two—wondering when all of the questions pounding through my skull will cease to prevent me from letting go, from trying to find happiness in the darkest of places.
“You should know that it is what I want,” he whispers as he holds me. “But I will not make you do anything that you do not wish to do.”
I crash at those words. There is freedom in them. When his eyes manage to find mine again, they cause my world to stop and shatter around me. Amidst the burning of past hauntings and regrets, Zein somehow makes me feel like my life can start all over.
Stinging hot tears once again threaten to burn the freshly formed crevices of my face. They brim and blur the beauty of Zein’s ashen eyes, forcing me to look away with embarrassment. With great strength I hold them on the edge, refusing to let them fall again until Zein aptly relieves me of the burden.
His lips find mine and I sob, barely able to keep my mouth functional for his.
As I quiet, he pulls away, brushing the wetted hair from my face. “So emotional, you humans. It is unnerving.”
I chuckle at the face he makes.
His hands drop to my hips and his mouth cuts to a curt frown.
“What is it?” I ask.
“You’re shaking. And tired.” He clears his throat and steps away. Motioning toward the bed, he says, “You should rest. I’ll send for another supply unit later.”
“You want me to rest here?” I manage to ask through my torn state.
“I would prefer it, actually,” he says, and heat floods my face.
The cold and lush silk welcomes my palms as I sit on the bed. Delicate and comforting, it tempts me to sprawl out and fall into unconscious oblivion. Zein sits at his temporary desk of the castle, his face twisted into a more serious and thoughtful expression. The bookcases beyond him—that line every corner and every wall—gather my attention; the various colors, bindings, and penmanships of the gold-embossed bindings all blend together as my eyelids refuse to listen to me.
✽✽✽
I jolt awake from a familiar nightmare into an unfamiliar reality—warmth and security. Before me is a thin off-white shirt clinging to broad and heavy shoulders. The lines of his chest are faint, but I can make them out well enough. We are on Zein’s bed in Amaorin’s castle. I must have fallen asleep. Zein’s fingers glide across my face, wiping away sweat