her lips falls to a frown as she glides toward the stairwell, and once she’s left, I have a hard time cooling down.
“Jealous?” Glera snickers to my right.
“No, not at all,” I answer, stirring the synthetic with slightly more vigor. “I wish Zein would call on units who don’t get a big head each time they’re summoned.”
“Well, he’s summoning you tomorrow, right?” she asks.
“I don’t care if it’s me or not,” I insist. “It would be nice to see Anaya become a bit more humble, and Zein isn’t helping.”
“I can see that.” Glera nods as she rotates the vials. “She’s definitely confident.”
“I think the brainwashing worked a little too well on her,” I mutter.
“Brainwashing? What is that?”
It slips my mind like nearly everything else I try to train my brain to remember. Brainwashings of Saya’s human children is one of countless forbidden subjects of study for humans. No one else here knows, because no one else dared learn how to read. And I wasn’t about to be the one to tell Glera, let alone the rest of them. For one, they wouldn’t believe me. For two, how can I convince someone their desires are not really their own?
I try to cover my tracks the best I can. “You know, like the fallen. Except instead of lusting after blood, she lusts after Zein’s affection. I don’t know, a phrase I heard somewhere.”
“Oh, then you’re probably the only one here who isn’t brainwashed.” She laughs a little at the novel joke because she doesn’t know that, deep down, it’s hard for me to bear the truth of it. I laugh anyway to keep the atmosphere, but sink into my chair.
Maybe I am jealous of Anaya, but not for the reason that Glera probably thinks. Anaya’s confidence—not the confidence in herself so much, but the confidence she places in Zein, the brainwashed aspects—are actually tempting at this point. Every time she returns from being summoned she’s lost in her own mind, with a genuine smile on her face. Unquestionably and undeniably happy.
If only my happiness could depend on such a shallow thing, maybe I could stop wasting time searching for a freedom that I’m bound to never find. I could focus on making the most out of this place and my friends. I could run and do honest work within the castle and call it a life well spent—for a supply unit, anyway—at least for a decade or two. Besides, given everything thus far, it’s evident that Zein isn’t just some heartless monster. I could at least try to get used to serving a vampire who has even a small sense of decency. And the others... Gemini, Ceti, and Narref. They have all grown on me over the last few weeks. The boys often indulge my sarcastic remarks with coy quips of their own, which make their company less of a burden, while Ceti is so lost in optimism that anything I say makes her laugh. She’s so weird that I kind of like it.
I let out a heavy sigh, thinking about the greener grass on the other side of the wall.
But what’s beyond the castle walls, anyway? Rogue vampires and trees? Aside from eventual death, unmet expectations, and steadfast pride, what is there, really? My hands slow their stirring as I stare blankly down into the mixture of dark red liquid. I must be sick. It’s an odd day when I question the beauty of freedom.
✽✽✽
“Did you hear from Madam Seriesa?” A supply unit says in passing while I head for the outer recreation area.
“No, what?” the other indulges.
“Lord Giomar from the Alaysian Province is here. Apparently he made a surprise visit to see our gracious Lord Zein.”
I put my head down and side step around the two girls. So that’s what the commotion has been about. A relentless circulation of chatter had been spreading through the seraglio, traveling from group to group, girl to girl, blood sac to blood sac—like a wildfire since midnight. Giomar, huh? I could really punch him in the face after what he did to Savvy. Come to think of it, do Savvy and Katarii know? I stop on the last few steps, preparing to turn around.
Thinking on it twice, however, I continue toward the recreation area. No, they were together on the work line where no rumor stone is left unturned. If they are upset, anything I say probably won’t help. Giomar’s rejection and their mutual disappointment is yet another thing they have in common, and