for Savvy and me when he finally runs out of patience? When you run out of chances? Do Savvy and I run out of time?”
“Katarii...,” Savvy says as I lower my head to my thumbs, everything in my body turning numb.
“No. She needs to think about it, Savvy. We are at the mercy of how she acts around him. We are only here until she messes up.”
My hands shake, but I’m not angry. Guilt swarms my chest like a hive of bees. I had yet to think about how Savvy and Katarii play into all of this; how they operate and feel day in and day out within the castle of someone who never wanted them; how my actions, even small ones, could determine their fates. I seem to always feel heroic in my times of stupidity. They think Zein became upset because of a snarky quip I made, when in reality, my true trespass was far worse. My mistake with Giomar was driven by selfless intentions, but to the opposite effect. Even if I could tell them what happened with him, about his sickly supply unit and how he wanted to subject them to the same fate, it would come to no good end. Because I went about it all wrong.
“You’re right. I’m sorry,” I say quietly while nodding. “I hadn’t…”
Katarii un-balls her fists and mean mugs her plate—as if suddenly disgusted by the green beans.
“I know you hadn’t considered it,” Katarii whispers, struggling to keep her composure while she stands. “I’ll see you guys on the synthetics line, though I don’t know why I would work if there’s no point.”
She stomps off to the stairwell. The sound of her footsteps are now the loudest echoes in the room. Everyone had stopped their eating to stare at us at some point during the outburst. I pretend not to notice. The longer their eyes are on me, the longer it takes for me to recover from it. Savvy dips her face down so that she’s in my line of sight.
“Wavorly… she didn’t—”
“Stop,” I mutter.
“What?”
“Stop. I don’t need you to save my feelings, but apparently Katarii does, so…” I take a deep breath, feeling the walls shoot up around me. Katarii and Savvy are one in the same compared to me. “...you should probably go where you are needed.”
Stunned, Savvy stares at me.
“Wow. Okay,” she says, pushing her tray across the table so hard it clangs against mine. She spins on her heels and leaves. For the first time ever, I can now see the gap between Savvy and me. We are on two very different planes of existence both mentally and physically. I suppose we always have been, and what’s worse is that Katarii is on her plane.
Why did I say that? I do need Savvy. More than I want to admit.
The struggle against crying is near unbearable, but my pride ultimately wins. The cafeteria, full of warm bodies that would never let me live down a live cry, reminds me to leave on the mask. If only Glera and Emi weren’t already on the work lines, I might have someone to talk to about it.
✽✽✽
At some point I took my bowl to the washing station and cleaned it, though my mind became so burdened that I can’t even remember doing so. I dismiss myself to the recreation room, refusing the thought of following Savvy and Katarii up to the work stations. I’m sure the two of them are having a pleasantly closed-off conversation, anyway. The kind that immediately stops when you walk into the room.
When I reach the recreation floor, I’m relieved to find no supply units. The cement tiles, stone pillars, and sandstone walls are the same as the other seraglio floors, with the only real difference being how the space is divided. Rows upon rows of iron-rod stations stashing paper, pencils, paint, cloth rolls, sewing pins, and colored compounds are all aligned in organized disarray. The goods that can be made from these provisions are why supply units work extra hours. Things such as wool pajamas, leisure dresses and tunics, resin jewelry, and makeup compounds can be traded for meal tags, and then meal tags can be traded to the vampire attendants for more supplies to make them. A single group of older supply units and their apprentices make the goods, who then sell to the other girls based on their good standing. Since arriving, I’ve learned that the amount of clothes, jewelry, and makeup that you