the phone call.
He called back seven times and left seven voicemails. I didn’t answer his calls and I didn’t listen to his voicemails. After I stopped crying, I regained some of my wits and started to clean the white residue and the paraphernalia off of my coffee table. I blew my nose several times and took a good look at myself in the mirror. My eyes were bloodshot and red rimmed from crying but my pupils were huge and the sight of me was absolutely shocking.
Lynn showed up at my apartment an hour after Mason’s last phone call to me. I swung the door open and just stood there, waiting for her to say something. She was dressed in shorts and a UCLA t-shirt. Mason had pulled her from bed to come check on me.
“Jesus, are you OK?” She asked as she came through the front door. She pulled me into a hug and continued to talk. “Mason called me scared out of his mind yelling something about you not making any sense. Fallyn, what is going on over here?”
I pulled away and wiped at the wet splotches on my face. “I…I don’t know. I don’t know what to say.”
“I didn’t drag my ass out of bed and halfway across LA to hear you tell me you don’t know what to say, Fallyn.” Her gaze bore into me and I shifted uncomfortably. “Mason was out of his mind and it took me ten minutes to convince him not to get on a plane and come home.”
The tension in my place grew as both Lynn and I stood there staring at one another. There was absolutely no way I was going to tell her I was coming down off of the biggest coke high I’d ever experienced. Granted I was terrified, but even that wasn’t enough to make me spill my secret.
“Maybe it was a panic attack or an anxiety attack. It was sort of like the one I had in Vancouver.”
My stomach started to churn just a little.
Lynn pulled me over to the couch and sat us both down. “Maybe it’s time you saw someone, a doctor, about these attacks.”
“No!” I stood up and crossed the room. “I’m not letting some shrink pick my brain apart and tell me I’m crazy because my mother was an irresponsible failure. I know all of that already.”
“This isn’t about your mother Fallyn. This is about you and your life right now.”
I spun until I was facing the wall. “My mother is dead anyway. I suppose you’re right.”
Lynn was next to me in an instant. “When did you find out?” She grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to look at her. “Tell me.”
“Jill told me,” I said rolling my eyes. I didn’t feel any emotion over the death of my mother whatsoever. She had taken my sister from me and as far as I was concerned she was taking my life from me.
Lynn smoothed my hair and pulled me to her in a tight hug. She rocked me slightly and still I didn’t cry. My head was pounding and my nose burned. A sick feeling rose in my throat about the whole situation. I’d really gotten myself into some shit and I lacked the skills to cope with any of it. I was dating a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. I had a decent career and a decent income. I don’t know what had come over me.
“Mason would shit himself if he knew you were talking to her again, Fallyn. She is no good and you know that.” Lynn pulled away with a sigh.
I picked at a string on my shirt. “I know, I know. Lynn, please don’t tell him.”
A pained expression crossed her face. “This isn’t a good idea. I can’t be the secret keeper between you two. Do you realize what you’re asking me to do?”
My chest burned. I was a piece of shit, it was settled. “Just let me tell him, OK? Can you give me a few days?”
“He’s going to call me back and I really don’t feel comfortable lying to him!” Her voice rose in pitch.
“Fine just calm down,” I pleaded. “I’ll call him and tell him tonight, I promise.”
Lynn let out a slow breath. “Fallyn, you are my closest friend and I hate seeing you like this. You need to talk to someone and if I have to get Mason involved I will.”
I crossed my arms defiantly. “Mason doesn’t need my bullshit