I asked.
“Just having some wine.” Closing my eyes, I pictured him on his balcony, staring into the dark ocean and wearing that pair of gray sweatpants he loved so much—and probably nothing else. Before me, he claimed no one had ever seen him in those pants. I’d been quick to rib him as to why that was a smart move, since the imprint of his cock left nothing to the imagination. Needing to see him now, I tapped the video call icon, and after a warbling ringtone, Ricky answered.
“Hi.” It was dark enough outside to provide mystery, but he looked sullen and joyless.
Despite his appearance, he leaned toward the camera and said, “You look like shit.”
“Thanks.” Scruff, unwashed hair, and dark circles under my eyes made his claim true. “I’m back to tossing and turning and haven’t been able to get much sleep.”
I expected a snide, crude, or even sexual response but instead received a simple, “Me neither.” His admission debunked that the dim evening light was to blame for his appearance. “I’m glad you called. I was about to,” he said, shocking the shit out of me.
“Why?”
My less-than-enthusiastic response caused him to huff. “Do I need a reason to defy your wishes?” he asked on a grin, slipping back into his normal pattern of using humor instead of the truth.
“No, we both know you don’t. I say black, you say white.”
“You wouldn’t want me any other way,” he quipped. I kept silent instead of arguing that wasn’t true. “Why are you breaking your own rules?”
Admitting to missing him sat on the tip of my tongue, but I held back. And no, that didn’t make me a hypocrite. If I continued to enable him by opening my heart as he joked and ribbed in return, he’d never be the person I knew he could be.
“I told Sam… and Griffin and Janis too,” I said.
“Ah… how did it go?”
Starting with my older siblings first, I recapped each conversation while he listened intently. “Sam didn’t take it as easily.” Ricky relaxed on his lounge chair as I told him what had gone down with my brother. “And I have yet to hear from him.”
“Give him time,” he said, repeating what Lydia had said. “He’ll come around.”
“I know. I hate that he’s hurt. I knew he would be. But if I had told him sooner—”
“You would’ve gotten caught up in his needs and ignored yours,” Ricky stated, knowing me pretty damn well.
“Exactly. Anyway, it’s done. Now I can focus on my curriculum for this semester.” The moment I brought up school, Ricky’s expression tightened. Ignoring it, I flipped the conversation back to him, digging for any information I could get. Besides knowing he had spent a lot of time at his office, catching up on all the paperwork he’d neglected for weeks—my fault, apparently—I didn’t get much more out of him. As always, it was like pulling teeth.
When I realized my questions and statements hijacked the conversation, I decided to end the call. “Okay, well, I’m going to try and get some sleep.”
Even though he failed in hiding his disappointment, I held firm while silently imploring him to speak, to open up, to tell me he hated our separation. To tell me he was flailing as badly as I was.
Instead, he nodded at my statement. “Okay. I’m glad you called.” How glad? Speak up! But again, I got nothing. “I’ll talk to you soon, I guess?”
Not committing to that, I took one last look at him before saying, “Night, Ricky.” Before I could chicken out, I tapped the screen and blackened his image.
No progress yet. Sure, it’d been only a few days, and I had no choice but to give him the benefit of the doubt… for now.
“Coming!” I called while struggling to pull a pair of shorts up my damp legs. While using the towel slung across my shoulders to wipe the fat drops of water dotting my face, I peeked at who it was and opened the door, shocked to see him. “Hey.”
“Hey.” When I had yet to move, Sam looked at me sheepishly. “Can I come in?”
“Of course. Sorry.” He walked past me in the doorway and headed straight for the couch.
His demeanor gave me no indication of how this visit would go down, so, cowardly, I hovered near my small kitchen and asked, “Do you want something to drink?”
“No, I’m good.” Nervousness became obvious when he sat and leaned his elbows on his knees, mindlessly playing with the wedding